Giving Up and Letting Go
by forensicsfan
Summary: COMPLETE - Overwhelmed, Sara takes drastic measures and thankfully someone is there to intercede. Possible spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own them. I didn't create them. I don't profit from them. But I sure would love to have coffee with George.  
  
Thanks to my beta Brianna for the input and encouragement.  


* * *

  
  
"Sara, you don't want to do this." Nick tried to soothe as he held a death grip around her waist to prevent her from climbing back up onto the railing that ringed the roof of the lab.  
  
"Don't tell me what I want, Nick. What the hell do you care anyway?" Sara was nearly hysterical.  
  
"I do care. There are a lot of people that care about you." His voice was soft but inside he was petrified. How he had not noticed that things had gotten this bad for her he didn't know. Well maybe he did know. He had been so preoccupied with trying to get that promotion that every time he'd seen a warning sign, he passed it off thinking someone else would be there; someone else would say something.  
  
"No you don't. No one here gives a shit about me." Sara was crying freely.  
  
"You're wrong, Sara. I do care. You're right that I've been too self-centered lately to notice that something was bothering you, but I'm here now. Please don't do this." Nick was pleading with her.  
  
"It hurts too much." Sara cried as she finally let go of the railing and let Nick pull her away from it to safety.  
  
"Tell me, Sara. Tell me what hurts." He figured if he could just keep her talking that he could distract her from her hell bent self destruction for the moment.  
  
"Everything." Her voice was a whisper. 

----------------

It had started innocuously enough; a drink here or there after a particularly tough case. No one really thought much of it. They had all had bad cases and had needed some way to blow off steam. For Sara though, it became different; different because she started drinking after every shift; different because she was drinking alone; different because she couldn't seem to sleep anymore unless she drank first; and most of all, different because she couldn't seem to stop any more until she was drunk.  
  
Brass had been the first one that had actually said something to her. She flatly denied that she had a problem. For her to admit that there was a problem would be to admit that she'd lost control, and that was something she wouldn't admit to anyone, not even herself.  
  
Nick had noticed her popping cough drops and had been suspicious that she was trying to cover up her breath, but he didn't say anything about it on that early morning roll out. They had a case to work and he was vying for a promotion. He figured he'd mention it to her later, or so he thought, but there just never seemed to be the right time.  
  
Well the time had come crashing in on them. Nick, Sara, and Warrick had gone out for a few beers to celebrate Nick getting the promotion; well, at least being recommended for it before the budget was cut. They all went their separate ways to go home and get some rest.  
  
The next thing Sara knew, she was being pulled over and Grissom had been called to pick her up at the police station. The look of disappointment on his face just about crushed what she had left of a spirit inside of her.  
  
Sara had a hollow expression on her face when she had shown up at the lab the next night. No one really paid much attention to it. They had all gotten used to her being withdrawn of late. Grissom didn't even look at her during the briefing and maybe it was that combined with the expression in her eyes that got Nick's attention. He and she were going to work a home invasion and as they got up from the table in the conference room, she'd glanced back at him and mumbled. "I've got to do something first."  
  
Maybe it was the way she said it, or maybe it was the desperate look in her eye, in any case, Nick didn't think she was just going to the locker room to get her coat so he followed her. When she went up to the roof, he felt his heart beating faster and as he watched her go for the railing and climb on top of it, looking down at he sidewalk below, he knew she wasn't ok.  
  
"Sara." Nick called out. There was fear in his voice.  
  
Sara gripped the railing. "Leave me alone, Nick." Her voice wavered but she didn't look back at him. She just continued to look two stories down at the parking lot. Warrick and Catherine were bantering back and forth as they made their way to Warrick's Denali. Grissom trailed behind them, heading for his own vehicle.  
  
"Sara." Nick was edging closer. He didn't want to do anything to make her jump, but at the same time, he wanted to get her off of that railing safe and in one piece as quickly as possible.  
  
His voice must have carried, because at that instant, Sara saw Warrick glance up and a flicker of recognition wash over his face as he put his hand on Catherine's arm and spun her around. Grissom stopped in his tracks and turned and followed Warrick's gaze. The three of them just stood there gape jawed and stared in disbelief.  
  
Nick edged a little closer. "Sara, please." There was a hitch in his voice.  
  
Something in the way he said 'please' finally penetrated her mind. "Nick, no."  
  
In two more swift steps he grabbed her around the waist and held onto her with all he was worth. "Sara, you don't want to do this."

---------------  
  
Warrick, Catherine, and Grissom just stood there helplessly watching this little drama unfold on the roof. None of them said a word until they saw Nick pull Sara off the railing.  
  
"What the hell is going on?" Catherine whispered; her voice full of concern.  
  
Warrick was visibly upset. He couldn't seem to speak.  
  
"I need to go take care of this." Grissom looked numb. He had reasoned that once Sara had slept off her intoxication she would be fine. As much as the others, he had been in denial that she had a problem.  
  
None of them could ignore it now.

------------  
  
Nick held onto Sara as she cried on the rooftop. He had sunk down onto the surface of the roof and let her melt against him as sobs consumed her. He rubbed her back and made shushing noises. Guilt assailed him as he thought back to the myriad of signs that Sara was becoming troubled.  
  
Hank. After Sara had found out the truth about him, her demeanor had seemed to change. She had become almost even more withdrawn than she was naturally. Nick felt guilty that he'd suggested that Sara get out more. Hank had been the result of that and he'd broken what precious little faith Sara had in most men.  
  
Grissom. The man had become almost an obsession for Sara. She'd placed him so high on a pedestal that her image of him was nothing like the real man. And perhaps that had been somewhat intentional. If she fixated on someone who wasn't attainable, then there was no danger of being hurt, but she had been hurt. She'd asked him out and he'd turned her down without hesitation. He was married to his career and didn't have room for anyone; or rather he was too afraid to risk being hurt so he lived his life in his mind and kept people at arms length.  
  
Catherine. After Sara had investigated Eddie's death, she and Catherine had been at odds. Catherine had felt that Sara hadn't done all she could, but Sara knew better and the tension that had always existed between them seemed to flare up.  
  
The promotion. Nick had been awarded the promotion, even though the funds for it were pulled. That was a blow to Sara. She had worked hard, had a great solve rate. In short, she was used to being the best and the brightest. All that seemed to be slipping away.  
  
"I'm here, Sara. Go ahead and cry, it's gonna be ok." Nick continued to soothe, rocking back and forth as her sobs finally tapered off. Tears slipped down his cheeks.  
  
She lifted her head and winced as she met his concerned gaze. "I can't do this."  
  
"Yes, you can. You're one of the strongest people I know. You can do anything." Nick insisted.  
  
She shook her head. "No, I can't. That's just it. I'm not strong. I'm a failure. Everything I've worked for my entire life is slipping away." She sniffled.  
  
"That's no reason to try and kill yourself, Sara. You're one of the most amazing women I know." Nick kept his grip on her in case she tried for an encore of perching on the railing.  
  
"I have nothing. I have no one. What's my life worth?" She looked so sad as she looked him in the eye.  
  
"Your life is priceless, Sara, and if you don't feel that, just believe me because I feel it." He was desperate to get her to cling to some ounce of hope.  
  
"I don't know if I can." Whether she realized it or not, she was beginning to take some of his words to heart.  
  
"Give it a chance." He whispered. "Please, give it a chance. If not for yourself, will you do it for me?"  
  
"Has any woman ever turned you down?" There was a hint of teasing in her voice as the faintest smile began to curl her lips.  
  
Nick tried to smile. "None that I can think of."  
  
"Well, I suppose I can't ruin your reputation." She sniffled.  
  
Nick hugged her closer trying to hold back his tears which continued to fall. "You can do it, Sara. I'm here for you." 


	2. Chapter 2

Grissom stood there transfixed as he watched Nick hold Sara, fully aware that the young man had quite possibly saved Sara's life. He inwardly chided himself for not recognizing the signs, for not seeing that his distancing himself from her had probably helped to fuel her current state. When she'd needed a friend, none of them had been there for her. He slowly approached Nick and Sara, noting with relief that Nick had possession of both his and Sara's 40 caliber Barettas.

Nick glanced up, his face streaked with tears. His expression was full of concern and fear for Sara.  
  
"Sara." Grissom's voice was soft. He didn't regard himself as a people person, but he cared deeply for his team, even if they didn't realize it.  
  
She glanced up, wincing as she noticed the concern on Grissom's face. She rested her forehead on Nick's shoulder, not wanting to see disappointment on Grissom's face again; disappointment in her. Another reminder of how much of she felt like a failure.  
  
Nick whispered gently. "Sara, let's go downstairs."  
  
"No." Her voice caught in her throat. "I don't want anyone to see me."  
  
"Sara, it's ok." Grissom tried to reassure her. "No one else knows what's going on."  
  
"Yes they do. I saw you." Sara choked back a sob as she felt tears stinging her eyes again.  
  
Nick rubbed her back. "We care about you, Sara. We all care about you. Please let us help you."  
  
"I don't want help; I want it to stop hurting." She started to cry again burying her face in Nick's shoulder.  
  
Nick felt his own emotions overwhelming him. "Sara, we just want to help." His voice choked in his throat as he felt himself beginning to break down. "Please let me help. Please, Sara, let me help."  
  
"Sara, let us help you." Grissom's voice was remarkably calm. In some sense, he was afraid if he showed any emotion it would further charge the electric atmosphere of the situation.  
  
Nick clung desperately to Sara and whispered thickly. "Please, Sara."  
  
Her voice was the faintest of whispers. "Ok." She pulled her head back and looked at Nick. Her brow was furrowed and her expression had no confidence in it. "Please don't leave me, I'm so scared."  
  
Her very un-Sara-like statement had both Nick and Grissom worried. Nick whispered back to her. "I won't leave you. I told you, I'm here for you. I promise."  
  
"Whatever you need, Sara, just let us know." Grissom's voice was soft, but it was edged with regret. It was obvious that he felt guilty that he didn't recognize the telltale signs that something was wrong until it was almost too late. In fact, if it hadn't been for Nick following his gut, it would have been too late. The thought shook Grissom to the core.  
  
Sara finally met Grissom's worried expression. "I'm sorry."  
  
Grissom furrowed his brow. "No, Sara, I'm sorry. We should have known that something was wrong."  
  
"Gris is right, Sara. We should have known. I'm so sorry." Nick was visibly upset.  
  
"How could you know? I didn't tell anyone." Sara replied looking at both of them.  
  
"Let's go downstairs." Nick's expression pleaded with her.  
  
She looked at them both for a long moment trying to steel her courage and then nodded. "Ok."  
  
As Nick pulled her to her feet, she clung to him. "It's gonna be ok, Sara."  
  
Grissom stooped down and retrieved Sara's gun and at that moment, Grissom wished he possessed half of Catherine's people skills. "Nick's right, it's going to be ok."  
  
Sara wasn't sure she believed them, but she'd promised Nick that she'd try. As the three of them walked toward the doorway that opened out onto the roof, Sara felt like bolting back to the railing. For some reason it seemed far safer than the descent back into the labyrinth of the lab. Only Nick's arm around her shoulder kept her from running. She was sure that as they made their way to Grissom's office that everyone they passed knew exactly what had transpired on the roof, even though Warrick and Catherine had been the only other ones to witness what had happened.  
  
She sank down into a seat opposite Grissom's desk, as Nick leaned against the closed door. Grissom sat down behind his desk and studied her for a moment before he spoke. "Sara, what's going on?" His voice was gentle, but even so the question sounded harsh to her ears.  
  
Sara couldn't meet his gaze. "I don't know if I can do this."  
  
"Is there something we could have done? Something I could have done?" Grissom was worried.  
  
Sara shook her head. "I don't know. I just don't know."  
  
Nick watched her, worry marked his face.  
  
Grissom let out a deep breath. "The department has a counselor. I'll have to find the name."  
  
Sara shook her head and tears began to slip down her cheeks again. "I can't." There was panic in her voice.  
  
Nick moved from the door and crouched by her side. "You need to talk to someone, Sara." His voice hitched. "You threatened to jump off a building. You need to talk to someone." He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze.  
  
Grissom watched how Nick talked to her. He connected with people so easily it was almost second nature to him. "Nick's right, Sara."  
  
"You're not doing this alone. Remember that." Nick looked directly into her eyes. "I promise I'll help."  
  
"Do you want me to call someone to take you home and stay with you?" Grissom interjected softly.  
  
Sara looked at him with a pained expression. "There isn't anyone to call."  
  
Nick squeezed her hand again. "I'll take her home, Gris." He glanced over at Grissom, his expression pleading with him to understand.  
  
Grissom nodded. "Ok." He wasn't really sure what to do in this situation. He had never expected that Sara Sidle, bright and beautiful CSI, could sink so low that she'd want to take her own life. He felt immeasurably responsible and from the expression on Nick's face, he was sure that the young Texan felt the same way. In fact if he'd ask Warrick and Catherine who had reluctantly gone on to their crime scene with a promise that he would call them, that they would probably feel that they were partly to blame too.  
  
"C'mon, Sara." Nick stood and pulled her to her feet. "Let me take you home." 


	3. Chapter 3

Sara fastened her seatbelt and leaned her head against the window of Nick's Denali, letting out a deep sigh. She knew that her actions had opened an entire can of worms that she really wasn't sure she wanted to deal with, but at the moment it didn't look like she really had a choice. 

Nick climbed behind the wheel and looked over at her. "You ready?"  
  
She didn't look at him. "I guess." She wrapped her arms around herself in a protective gesture and continued to stare out the window wondering how what she'd done would affect her career and finding at that moment that she really didn't care any more.  
  
Nick fastened his own seatbelt and turned the key in the ignition. As he eased the Denali onto the roadway he kept stealing worried glances at her. Sara's apartment wasn't too far from the lab and a short time later Nick pulled into the parking lot outside her building.  
  
Sara glanced at him. "Thanks for the ride." She opened the door and wordlessly descended from the SUV.  
  
"You're stuck with me for a little while. You know that don't you?" Nick informed her as he followed her to the door of her apartment.  
  
She turned around with a pained expression on her face. "Nick, I'm sorry." She wasn't sure what she was apologizing for exactly, but the whole situation felt so awkward that she didn't know what else to say.  
  
He put his hands on her shoulders in a supportive gesture as she turned around to unlock the door. "You have nothing to be sorry for."  
  
They entered her dimly lit apartment and Sara flicked on a light, illuminating the mess that her apartment had become; a reflection of how she felt her life had become. Scattered across her coffee table were bottles of tequila, vodka, and rum in various stages of consumption. Empty beer bottles stood at attention next to them, lined up as if in some sort of military formation. Take out containers were strewn about, some on the floor by the coffee table, others on the end tables on either side of her couch.  
  
Sara's shoulders slumped. She knew that Nick was taking it all in and that he now knew just how far she'd slid downward. He'd been over here enough times before to know how meticulously clean she kept her apartment. At the moment she wasn't even sure when the last time she'd cleaned the take out containers out of her refrigerator or had taken out the trash for that matter.  
  
Nick's voice broke the silence. "Where do you keep your trash bags? Are they under the sink?"  
  
Sara just nodded numbly as Nick moved into the kitchen and retrieved a trash bag. He didn't say much, he just began to methodically pick up beer bottles and take out containers and toss them into the bag. Sara sank into her couch and watched as he cleared the beer bottles off of the coffee table and into the bag. He took the bottles of liquor and walked into the kitchen, slowly pouring the contents down the sink. Sara wanted to say something, but nothing that she could say would have swayed Nick from what he was doing. She had given up control when she'd let go of the railing and allowed him to pull her away from the edge of the building.  
  
After watching him move from her living room into her kitchen, Sara finally stood up and walked over to where he stood at her refrigerator trying to determine if the contents of one of the take out containers were still good. "Uh, Nick."  
  
He glanced up at her with a smile. "Yeah?"  
  
"You don't have to do this." She felt utterly mortified that he was cleaning her apartment.  
  
A serious expression crossed his face. "Yes, I do, Sara. I haven't been there for you. None of us has been there for you. I need to do this."  
  
"So sniffing spoiled food is going to make you feel better?" She scoffed with a sort of laugh.  
  
He smirked. "I've smelled worse at crime scenes."  
  
She smirked back. "You can save yourself the trouble. I think pretty much all of it's bad."  
  
He grinned at her and chuckled. "Well why didn't you say so?"  
  
She rolled her eyes. "You didn't ask."  
  
He began tossing containers into the trash bag he held and about halfway through the refrigerator he realized that the bag was already full. "I think we're going to need another one. Want to grab me one?"  
  
"Yeah." Sara retrieved another bag from the cabinet underneath the sink and handed it to him.  
  
Nick smiled at her as he took the bag. "You know, you'd think you'd learn after this many containers of take out that you really don't like sweet and sour tofu." There was a teasing tone in his voice.  
  
Sara chuckled softly, glad that he could still make her laugh when she felt like hell. "Don't quit your night job."  
  
Nick grinned at her, tossing the last of the take out containers into the trash bag. "I'm just gonna take this stuff out to your dumpster. I'll be right back." He picked up the bags of trash and carted them towards her front door, carefully threading himself and the multiple bags through the doorway.  
  
It was all Sara could do not to giggle as an image of Santa Claus came to mind.  
  
When Nick returned a few minutes later, he brushed his hands on his jeans and looked at her expectantly. "Ok, so how about some laundry."  
  
Sara let out a deep sigh, shaking her head as she leaned against the breakfast bar in the kitchen. "Nick, you really don't have to do this."  
  
He walked over to Sara and put his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "Sara, I know how much of a neat freak you are, and right now this is all I can think to do to help. Besides, would you rather we just sit here and stare at each other all night?"  
  
She pursed her lips together in frustration and averted her gaze. "Fine." She turned away from him and disappeared down the hallway and after a moment Nick followed.  
  
She stood in her bedroom pulling the sheets off the bed as Nick walked in. He tried to keep his tone gentle. "Sara, I'm sorry. I know this is hard and you probably wish I wasn't here right now. But I do care."  
  
She glanced up at him and let out a deep breath, a sad expression on her face. "I'm glad you're here. Completely and utterly embarrassed by this whole damn night, but I really am glad you're here."  
  
Nick walked over and gathered up the sheets from the floor as Sara shook the pillows out of their cases. "Sara, can I ask you something?"  
  
She glanced up and tossed him one of the pillow cases. "Yeah."  
  
He furrowed his brow. "Why jumping from the roof? The building is only two stories tall."  
  
She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. It was the first thing I thought of." She tossed him the other pillow case and sat down on the mattress.  
  
"I mean you had your gun in your holster if you were really serious." He remarked as he turned to carry the sheets to her laundry room.  
  
"Too messy." Sara remarked.  
  
He stopped and turned around, raising a curious eyebrow.  
  
Her voice caught in her throat as her own words rang in her ears. "It's too messy. I wouldn't want you guys to have to deal with that." 


	4. Chapter 4

Nick dropped the sheets on the floor and walked over towards Sara, sitting down next to her on the edge of the bed. "How long have you been thinking about this?"  
  
She glanced over at him, choking back a sob, her voice wavering and cracking as she spoke. "A while."  
  
Nick felt like he'd just had the wind knocked out of him as he looked over at her. He was quiet for a moment as he felt his throat constrict, fighting back tears. "What's going on?"  
  
She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. "I don't know. It's nothing and everything."  
  
A myriad of emotions crossed Nick's face and he let out a deep breath before he spoke again. "Sara, when did you start drinking like that?"  
  
Sara looked everywhere but at Nick. She felt a wave of shame wash over her and her voice was barely a whisper. "I didn't want anyone to know." She wanted to deny that she had been drinking, but he'd seen the evidence all over her living room and they both knew that the evidence didn't lie.  
  
"Sara, what's really bothering you?" He reached over and touched her arm. He knew that her drinking was just an outward expression of what was going on inside of her. He felt an overwhelming wave of guilt as he considered that he had ignored all the signs that she needed help; that she needed someone to show her that they cared.  
  
She looked at him. "I don't even know where to start." Her voice was a whisper, but her words were the beginning of a confession. She really didn't know where to start, but she knew that he wasn't going to buy any line of bull from her and that she couldn't deny that something really was seriously wrong.  
  
He smiled softly. "Are you hungry? I'll order some pizza and soda and you can talk my ear off. I'm a good listener."  
  
"What I wouldn't give for a beer right now." She moaned, fully aware that he wouldn't let her. A smile began to play at her lips. Just that small confession began to make her feel a little bit lighter as if telling the truth had begun to lift the burden she'd been carrying around for months.  
  
"No way in hell are you getting one." Nick smirked at her. "C'mon, we have some laundry to do and then you're going to eat something and tell me what a crappy friend I've been to not notice that you needed me."  
  
She looked at him with a serious gaze. "You're not a crappy friend, Nick. You're a very good friend. I've had the worst day of my entire life and you're here with me right now." She leaned over and hugged him. "I'm not sure I won't be a bitch tomorrow, but thank you for being here."  
  
He hugged her back, blinking back tears. "Hey, you can be a bitch all you want if it means you'll be here tomorrow." There was a hitch in his voice. "I can't believe we almost lost you today."  
  
"I'm sorry." She whispered, not really sure how she was supposed to feel.  
  
"Don't apologize, Sara. You needed us and we let you down." He let her out of his embrace and smiled as he wiped at his eyes. "Now let's get some pizza."  
  
"Ok." She tried to smile, but it came out as a slight curve of her lips. She pulled herself off of the bed and walked over to where Nick had dropped the sheets on the floor. She picked them up and glanced back at him. "I'm just gonna throw these in the wash."  
  
He grinned at her, still trying to get his emotions under control. "I'll order the pizza. Double meat on yours."  
  
A real smile spread across Sara's face and she laughed. "You are such a freak."  
  
He chuckled. "And proud of it." He watched as she left the room and then let out a deep breath. He was really afraid for her, his brave front aside. He hoped that she would open up a little and tell him what had been going on that had caused her to withdraw from everyone. He had his own suspicions, but he wanted her to articulate them.  
  
A while later they sat on her couch devouring a large vegetarian pizza and drinking root beer. Sara sat there looking around her apartment. "I really let this place turn into a shit hole didn't I?"  
  
"I don't know if I would have phrased it quite like that, but it did kind of smell." Nick replied with a smirk.  
  
She turned around to face him, a soft smile on her face. "You probably think that I'm crazy."  
  
He shook his head. "You're not crazy, Sara. I think you're overwhelmed and you thought that you had to do it all by yourself, but you're not crazy."  
  
She scoffed. "Well I feel pretty damn crazy. I can see the headlines now 'Las Vegas Criminalist Attempts Suicide, Fails Miserably'."  
  
"Well that's one thing I'm glad you failed at." Nick said sincerely.  
  
Sara studied him for a moment. "How do you do it? How can you be so upbeat all the time?"  
  
He thought for a moment before he answered her. "Sara, I've just learned that things usually look better after a good night's sleep."  
  
She had an intense expression on her face. "What if you can't sleep?"  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "Nightmares?"  
  
She nodded letting out a sigh. "Yeah."  
  
Nick took a sip of his root beer. "I had nightmares after what happened with Nigel Crane."  
  
She looked at him incredulously. "But you didn't move."  
  
He shook his head. "No, I didn't. If I had, he would have won."  
  
"But how did you sleep?" She grabbed another slice of pizza.  
  
"I didn't always sleep, sometimes I still don't, but I knew that I could call my family anytime day or night and just knowing that helped." He confessed.  
  
"Do they rent out?" Sara quipped.  
  
Nick reached over and put his hand on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "You can call me. Anytime. Day or night." His expression was full of sincerity.  
  
She furrowed her brow and felt tears welling up. She fought them back as she smiled at Nick. "Thanks."  
  
They were both quiet for a few minutes and then Sara turned back towards Nick. "Do you know why I went up to the roof?"  
  
Nick studied her and shook his head. "I'm hoping that you'll tell me."  
  
"After we all went out to celebrate your promotion, I got pulled over." Sara began staring at her fingers.  
  
Nick winced. "Oh, Sara."  
  
She lifted her hand to make him stop talking. "They didn't cite me, but they did call Grissom."  
  
"Shit." Nick exhaled harshly. "What did he do?"  
  
"He picked me up from the station and took me home." She had a disgusted expression on her face. "He just told me to sleep it off. I took a cab into work."  
  
Nick had a guilty expression on his face. "I didn't think you were drunk when you left."  
  
"I didn't think I was either, but apparently I was wrong." She sniffled. "He barely said a word to me, Nick. His expression said it all. I just feel like I'm a complete failure."  
  
"Sara, you're an amazing woman and you made a mistake. Hell, I made a mistake; none of us should have driven." He looked at her with regret on his face. "You know, you're not perfect. You have flaws just like the rest of us. That's part of why we like you so much. You're human."  
  
She had tears running down her face again, but she was smiling. "It's been a really long time since I felt like someone cared about me. What did I do to deserve a friend like you?"  
  
He reached over and put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a hug. "You didn't have to do anything, Sara. I'm just here." 


	5. Chapter 5

Grissom was sitting in his office when Catherine and Warrick stopped in the doorway midway through shift. He looked up at them over the rim of his glasses and motioned for them to come in and close the door.  
  
Catherine was the first to speak. "What's going on, Gil?" Concern was evident on her face.  
  
"I'm not really sure right now. Nick took Sara home and he's going to try and talk to her." Grissom removed his glasses and rubbed his temples. He felt a migraine coming on full force.  
  
"She wanted to kill herself." Warrick spoke with disbelief in his voice. He and Sara hadn't really hit it off when she'd moved to Vegas since she'd been brought there specifically to investigate him, but over the last couple of years they'd formed a good friendship and he thought that he would have noticed if something was wrong.  
  
Grissom nodded and when he spoke, his voice wavered a bit. "Yes, she did."  
  
"How did we not notice something was wrong?" Catherine's question was as much to herself as to Grissom and Warrick. "Some CSIs we are."  
  
Warrick furrowed his brow in frustration. "Catherine's right. How did we not notice?"  
  
Grissom shook his head and put his glasses back on. "I don't know, but we didn't. We all missed it. If Nick hadn't followed her up to the roof, I'm not sure what would have happened."  
  
"Did she say anything?" Catherine queried him.  
  
"She just seemed to be very troubled; something about wanting it to stop hurting. She didn't mention anything specific." Grissom glanced at Warrick and then back at Catherine. "I should probably let you know what happened after shift yesterday."  
  
Warrick looked immediately worried. "What do you mean? Nick and I were with her, what happened?"  
  
Grissom's expression was unreadable as he looked at Warrick. "How much did she have to drink?"  
  
Warrick furrowed his brow. "I don't know. Two or three beers, same as Nick and I."  
  
Catherine had a measured quality to her voice. "What happened, Gil?"  
  
"She got pulled over. They called me to pick her up." He confessed with a heavy sigh. He wished that he could have gone back in time and said something, anything to get her to talk. She had just looked so ashamed of herself that he didn't want to press.  
  
"What did you say, Gil?" Catherine narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously.  
  
Warrick remained silent wondering how he hadn't noticed that Sara was too impaired to drive.  
  
"I just dropped her off at her apartment and told her to sleep it off. She didn't really seem like she was in the mood to talk." Grissom explained.  
  
"They didn't cite her, did they?" Warrick concluded since Sara had come into work. If she had been, it would have been grounds for an immediate dismissal or at the very least a suspension.  
  
Grissom shook his head. "No, they didn't." He looked from Warrick to Catherine with a slightly helpless expression on his face. "I thought she needed me to cut her some slack. I didn't really think there was more of a problem."  
  
"You think she has a drinking problem?" Catherine queried.  
  
Grissom shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Maybe Nick will be able get her to talk."  
  
"What are you going to do, Gris? She can't just come back to work and pretend that she didn't try and jump off the building." There was an edge of anger in Warrick's voice; anger at Grissom for not being more intuitive when he'd picked Sara up at the police station and anger at himself for not recognizing the signs that something was amiss with her himself.  
  
Grissom knew that Warrick was frustrated. He was frustrated himself. "We all need to do something. I think we all know Sara well enough to know that the worst thing for her would be to go on suspension."  
  
"Agreed." Catherine interjected, glancing over at Warrick.  
  
Warrick nodded. "Yeah. We all missed it. I could kick myself." He was clearly upset.  
  
"Warrick, we can't beat ourselves up about this. We just need to help Sara." Catherine reached over and put her hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze.  
  
He nodded. "I know."  
  
"Catherine's right. All of us need to keep an eye on her and I think the best way to do that is if she's at work." Grissom let out another deep breath. "Nick said he would call me when he had a chance and let me know what's going on. I suggested to Sara that she talk to a counselor and she balked at the idea."  
  
"Of course she would. She stubborn as hell." Warrick commented, rubbing his temples.  
  
"I think that's probably what she needs though." Catherine had a studied expression as she tried to think back to anything that might have been a tip off that Sara was that close to the edge.  
  
They were all quiet for a few moments and then Catherine spoke again. "How's Nick?"  
  
Grissom furrowed his brow and shook his head. "I'm not sure. He looked pretty shaken up."  
  
"I think we all are." Warrick quipped. Seeing Sara like that with Nick pulling her off that railing had shaken him to the core. He was thankful that Nick had used his gut and followed her. Of all of them it seemed that Nick was the only one who had noticed something was wrong and had taken action.  
  
Grissom looked a bit haggard. "I think for the time being, this stays here. I don't want what happened with Sara to become gossip in the hallways."  
  
Warrick nodded in agreement. "No argument here."  
  
"What about the officer who brought her in?" Catherine queried him.  
  
Grissom leaned back in his chair before he answered. "Officer Fromanski owed me one. Now we're even." 


	6. Chapter 6

"So this really started after Hank then?" Nick tried to clarify. They had long since finished off the pizza and were just kicking back talking.

"Maybe before that. I'm not really sure. It's just that after I found out he was using me to cheat on his girlfriend, Catherine and I went out for a beer and it sort of took the edge off things." Sara explained hugging a pillow from the couch. It seemed that the more she talked the better she felt. She hadn't really talked to anyone in a long time, and for whatever reason, Nick was easy to just spill her guts to.  
  
"When did you start drinking alone?" Nick furrowed his brow as he studied her. He knew that the road ahead for her would not be easy or fun, but he was prepared to be there for her every step of the way and his gut told him that Catherine, Grissom, and Warrick would be too.  
  
Sara closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. "You know, I know that Grissom is going to make me see a counselor, but this is so much easier just talking to you."  
  
"I'm glad, but a counselor is probably going to help you a whole lot more than I can. All I can do is listen. I don't know how to fix this, Sara." His concern for her was evident.  
  
She opened her eyes and smiled. "All I want is someone to listen who actually cares." She was silent for a few moments and then pivoted on the couch to face Nick, still holding onto the pillow. "After the explosion."  
  
Nick looked a little confused. "Huh? Oh, the drinking."  
  
She nodded. "I just didn't really feel like myself after that, and then I pulled a gun on that suspect."  
  
"I could have wrung your neck for that you know." Nick chided her at the memory. At the time he'd commented that she must think that she was indestructible.  
  
She whispered softly. "I know. I'm sorry."  
  
Nick leaned his head back on the couch and looked over at her. "That's when you asked Grissom out, isn't it?"  
  
She nodded and bit her lower lip. "Biggest mistake I've ever made." She was quiet for a moment and then let out a wry laugh. "Ok, besides threatening to jump off the building."  
  
Nick lifted his head and raised an eyebrow, smirking at her. "I was going to say something, but since you brought it up."  
  
She swatted at him and laughed. After a moment her expression softened. "Hey."  
  
He smiled. "Yeah?"  
  
"Thanks." She smiled sincerely.  
  
"No problem." His expression turned a bit serious. "I really want to apologize to you though."  
  
She furrowed her brow. "Nick, you don't need to apologize."  
  
"Yeah, I do." He nodded his head. "I noticed little things that made me wonder if you were ok, and I didn't say anything. I was too caught up in trying to get that stupid promotion to see that you really needed a friend. I messed up. I'm sorry."  
  
Sara reached over and put her hand on his arm. "Nick, I haven't exactly been very nice to be around lately."  
  
Nick raised his eyebrows. "And that should have been a sign that I should have become a pain in your ass to find out what was going on."  
  
"Thank you for not judging me." She looked into his eyes and smiled.  
  
"Sara, it's not my place to judge anyone. You're my friend no matter what you do." He smiled back.  
  
She closed her eyes and exhaled loudly. "I'm not looking forward to facing everyone. It's bad enough that I know Grissom is disappointed in me for getting pulled over. I don't even want to know what Warrick and Catherine are thinking."  
  
He reached over and took her hand. "Hey, they care about you, even Grissom. He may not want to date you, but he does care about you."  
  
She nodded slowly. "He has a funny way of showing it."  
  
Nick chuckled softly. "Sara, since when have you known Grissom to do anything the way everyone else does?"  
  
She pursed her lips together and smiled. "You're probably right."  
  
"No probably about it. I know I'm right. You should have seen his face tonight. He's worried about you. I'm worried about you. And I'm sure if we asked Catherine and Warrick, they'd say that they're worried about you too." He squeezed her hand.  
  
Sara let out a yawn. "Sorry." She glanced over at the clock on the wall and her eyebrows arched upward in surprise. "We've been talking all night." She covered another yawn with her hand as she turned back towards Nick.  
  
"Hey, you should get some sleep." He let out a yawn himself.  
  
"I've talked your ear off. I'm sorry." Sara looked a little sheepish.  
  
He grinned at her. "Hey, that was the plan. You talk, I listen. Now you need to sleep, but I suppose I should help you make your bed."  
  
"Uh, I think I can handle it." Sara looked a little amused.  
  
"Well, I'm going to help anyway and then you're going to give me a pillow and a blanket so I can crash on your couch." He informed her with a smug expression.  
  
She looked at him doubtfully. "You don't have to stay."  
  
He leveled a stern gaze at her. "Sara, I'm not leaving you alone. I know you're feeling better, but I'm staying. You really don't have a choice."  
  
She furrowed her brow and let out a deep sigh. "Has anyone ever told you that you can be a pain in the ass?"  
  
He let out a deep chuckle. "Then I must be doing my job right." He stood up, pulling her with him. "C'mon, Sidle, you have a bed to make."  
  
She got some clean sheets out of the hall closet and made her way into her bedroom with Nick trailing behind her. As she unfolded the fitted sheet, she glanced over at Nick. "Hey, uh, you might want to take a look in that drawer over there." She pointed towards the table next to her bed.  
  
He looked at her curiously and walked over and opened it up. He glanced up a bit surprised and then pulled out a nine millimeter Glock and looked at her. "You want me to hold onto this for you?" His expression was serious.  
  
She just nodded at him and unfurled the sheet over the mattress. "Just in case."  
  
He nodded at her. "Ok." He tucked the gun in the waistband of his jeans and grabbed the other side of the sheet, quickly helping her make the bed.  
  
When they'd finished, Sara walked over to Nick and wrapped her arms around him. "Thanks for everything, Nick."  
  
He hugged her close and kissed the top of her head. "Hey, that's what friends are for. If you need anything, wake me up. I'll just be on the couch. Ok?"  
  
"Yeah." She agreed, stepping out of his embrace. "There are extra blankets in the closet." She turned and grabbed one of the pillows off of her bed and tossed it to him. "Don't blame me if you get a kink in your neck."  
  
He smirked. "I think I can handle it." His smirk softened into a smile. "Get some sleep." He turned and headed out into her living room, letting out a deep breath as he went. He knew that he was going to have to call Grissom and fill him in on a few details; the rest he was going to let Sara tell him when she was ready. He grabbed a couple of blankets from the closet and sat down on the couch, pulling the gun out of the waistband of his jeans and setting it on the coffee table and then resting his face in his hands. He was absolutely emotionally exhausted.  
  
A few minutes later, he grabbed his cell phone and punched in the familiar number. "Grissom, its Nick."


	7. Chapter 7

Grissom sat at his desk with his brow furrowed in thought. He had just gotten off the phone with Nick and his thoughts were wrapped up in what to do about Sara. The way Nick had described the state of Sara's apartment when they had arrived had offered a great deal of insight into where she was coming from. Though Grissom had never been inside her apartment, Nick had indicated that the condition of it was almost a polar opposite from its normal condition. Grissom let out a deep sigh and took his glasses off, rubbing his temples just as Jim Brass appeared in his doorway.  
  
"Rough night?" Brass asked as he came into Grissom's office and shut the door.  
  
"Yeah." Grissom replaced his glasses and looked over at his longtime friend as he sat in the chair opposite his desk.  
  
"I heard about Sara." Brass offered.  
  
Grissom furrowed his brow with concern.  
  
Brass lifted a hand. "Fromanski assured me that I was the only other person besides you he was telling."  
  
Grissom looked perplexed. "He knows that she tried to jump?"  
  
Brass looked confused. "I was talking about her being pulled over. What are you talking about?"  
  
Grissom shook his head and rubbed his temples. "She threatened to jump off of the building last night. If Nick hadn't pulled her off of the railing, I'm not sure if she would be alive right now."  
  
Brass looked shocked. "She what?"  
  
"I'm not sure how to spell it out more clearly than that, Jim." Grissom replied. He was emotionally exhausted, and he was no where near close to being able to go home.  
  
"Where is she now?" Brass looked very concerned as his thoughts turned to the conversation he'd had with Sara after he'd seen her popping cough drops to cover her breath.  
  
"Nick took her home to see if he could get her to talk. I just got off the phone with him. He's staying with her to make sure she's not left alone." Grissom explained. He looked at Brass with a lost expression. "What am I going to do with her?"  
  
"That's why you're the boss." Brass replied furrowing his brows together. "There are resources the department has."  
  
"I suggested she see a counselor and she balked." Grissom sounded frustrated.  
  
"Are you really surprised?" Brass let out a wry laugh. "She's the female version of you."  
  
Grissom rolled his eyes slightly, but deep down knew that Brass was right. "Well, how am I supposed to convince her to talk to someone?"  
  
"You don't." Brass replied.  
  
Grissom looked a little confused.  
  
Brass leaned forward and spoke in an almost conspiratorial tone. "You said Nick was talking to her. More than anyone on this team, he gets through to her. See if you can get Nick to convince her."  
  
Grissom nodded. "Yeah, he said he was going to try."  
  
------------  
  
Nick had fallen asleep fully clothed on the couch and he was lying with one arm over his head and one leg off of Sara's couch.  
  
Sara on the other hand had fallen asleep only to wake up again less than an hour and a half later. She lay in her bed for a while trying to decide whether she really wanted to wake Nick up. The entire night had been a bit overwhelming. She knew logically that it was good that he'd stayed, but at the moment, she just wanted to drink something to make her numb enough to not be able to think.  
  
She pulled herself out of bed and padded out into the living room in her flannel pajama pants and tank top. She bit her lower lip as she looked at Nick sleeping and almost turned around and went back to her room rather than wake him up. But she also knew he'd be upset if she didn't. "Nick." Her voice was soft, but in the quiet seemed too loud.  
  
He didn't stir.  
  
"Nick." She called out a little louder.  
  
Nick startled awake, blinking. "Sara." He sat straight up. "What's wrong? Are you ok?"  
  
She bit her lip nervously. "I couldn't sleep."  
  
He rubbed his eyes to try and become more alert. "Nightmare?"  
  
She nodded. "Yeah."  
  
He motioned for her to sit next to him on the couch. "You want to tell me about it?"  
  
"I don't know." Her voice caught in her throat.  
  
Nick reached over and put his arm around her shoulder. "Sometimes it helps to say it out loud."  
  
"I would think it'd make it worse." Sara sniffled.  
  
He hugged her closer and she rested her head on his shoulder. "I suppose it depends on what it is."  
  
"Can I ask you something?" Sara sniffled again.  
  
"Yeah, anything." Nick replied. "Just as long as it's not about what kind of car I drive."  
  
It took Sara a minute to remember the conversation they'd had about why Nick hated that question and then she let out a soft chuckle. "I know what kind of car you drive."  
  
"See, then you can ask me anything." He let out a yawn as he smiled.  
  
Sara let out a deep sigh. "How long did it take for the nightmares to go away?"  
  
Nick considered her words for a moment. "They never go away completely. They just come less frequently."  
  
"Nigel Crane is such a bastard for what he did to you." Sara's voice had an edge of anger in it. She slipped her arms around Nick's waist and hugged him.  
  
They were both quiet for a few moments before Nick whispered into the silence. "Sara, tell me about your nightmare."  
  
She sniffled. "Do you remember Pamela Adler?"  
  
Nick furrowed his brow. The name at first didn't ring any bells, and then he remembered the case. Sara had been so obsessive about finding out who this woman was that they'd all been a little worried about her. In the end, because the woman had been too tough to die, the kid who was responsible for leaving her in a vegetative state had hardly served any jail time. "Yeah, I remember."  
  
"Sometimes I see her face when I sleep, and then what I imagine is her voice." Sara sniffled again. "She's not the only one though."  
  
Nick didn't say anything; he just hugged her and let her talk.  
  
"I see Susanna Kirkwood lying there on the sidewalk in front of her house in a pool of her own blood and she's so still. There should have been something we could have done to help her, and we couldn't." Sara felt tears slipping down her cheeks. "Their voices haunt me when I try and sleep. They ask me why I didn't help, why they don't get justice."  
  
Nick rested his cheek on top of her head. "I don't know what to say, Sara. Sometimes the system just sucks, but it's all we have."  
  
Sara sniffled again. "Yeah, it does suck. Sometimes I wonder if what we do really makes a difference."  
  
He was quiet for a moment. "We do make a difference, Sara. If we can stop one person from inflicting pain on another person, then we've made a difference. We can't heal the scars of the victims, but we can help prevent someone else from having scars in the first place."  
  
There was such a passion in Nick's voice that it made Sara pause for a moment and think. "That sounds personal."  
  
There was a catch in Nick's voice when he answered. "Isn't it for all of us?" 


	8. Chapter 8

"Sometimes I forget that you know what it's like to be a victim. I wish you had never come across Nigel." Sara's voice was soft.

"I can't change that. I'm just glad Brass showed up before Nigel had a chance to blow his head off." Nick recalled.  
  
Regret washed over Sara's face. "Oh, Nick, I am so sorry that you had to be the one to pull me off that railing."  
  
His face clouded. "What? You would have rather that I didn't?"  
  
She shook her head. "No. I mean, I'm really glad you were there, I'm just sorry that I put you through that. I'm sorry I put everyone through that."  
  
"Sara, it's ok because you're ok. I would rather have pulled you off of there than to have lost you." Nick had a hitch in his voice again.  
  
They sat there in a companionable silence for a few minutes, each of them lost in thought.  
  
"How come everyone else doesn't seem to be affected by their cases like this?" Sara looked at Nick curiously.  
  
"I think people are more affected than you think, but frankly, Sara, the rest of us do things in our off time that don't involve police scanners and forensic journals." Nick's voice was gentle.  
  
Sara let out a frustrated sigh. "I know it's the same thing, 'Sara, find an outside interest.' 'Sara, you need to get out more.' The thing is, Nick, I'm not good at it."  
  
He chuckled softly. "What do you have to be good at? The point is, to do something that has nothing to do with law enforcement. I know I'm not telling you anything you haven't already heard, but you still need to hear it."  
  
Sara let out a huff. "You're not helping."  
  
He hugged her tighter. "I'll make you a deal."  
  
Sara's tone was wary. "What?"  
  
"You try some new hobby and I'll do it with you." His confidence wavered for a moment. "Uh, unless you have a secret desire to be a showgirl, because I am not wearing one of those outfits."  
  
The mental image that formed in Sara's mind made her laugh. "I wouldn't want to wear one of those either, but seeing you in one might just be worth it."  
  
Nick cleared his throat. "Ok, a real hobby."  
  
"You didn't specify." She teased.  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "I'm specifying now."  
  
She smiled and relaxed against him again. "I'll think about it."  
  
"Well that's better than a flat out 'no'." Nick replied with a smirk.  
  
Sara let out a sigh. "I suppose I should try and go back to sleep."  
  
"You gonna be ok?" Nick asked with concern edging his voice.  
  
"Well I'll wake you up again if I'm not." She answered tentatively.  
  
He kissed the top of her head. "You'd better."  
  
Sara pulled herself out of Nick's embrace and stood up. She glanced back at him with a curious expression. "You talked to Grissom earlier, didn't you?"  
  
He just nodded.  
  
"Is he going to let me come into work?" She looked concerned.  
  
Nick had a serious expression. "I think he is, but he's going to want to talk to you and I'm sure that he's going to place a few conditions on it."  
  
"Why does this have to be so hard?" Sara was frustrated.  
  
"Sar, just remember that you're not doing it alone." He hoped that she knew he was sincere.  
  
"Will you come with me when I talk to him?" She bit her lower lip nervously.  
  
"If you want me there, I'll be there." He assured her.  
  
"Thanks, Nick." She smiled softly at him. "I'm going to try and get some sleep."  
  
"Ok." He smiled at her and lay back on the couch, letting his eyes close as she disappeared into her bedroom. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't sleep. The entire night had completely exhausted him emotionally as well as physically, but his worry for Sara kept him awake.  
  
He figured that he must have lain there for at least an hour alternately staring at the ceiling and checking the time on the display of the VCR when he heard a noise in the other room. He tossed the blanket that covered him aside and sat up, willing his ears to decipher what he'd heard. As he listened carefully, he realized that the noise sounded like a whimper and he knew instantly where it was coming from. He pulled himself up off of the couch and made his way down the hallway to Sara's bedroom. He softly tapped on the door before slowly opening it. "Sara." His voice was a soft whisper.  
  
Sara was curled up into a fetal position in the middle of her bed, hugging her pillow and she was using it to try and muffle her crying.  
  
Nick softly walked over to her bed and sat down on the edge of it. "Sara." He reached out and put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze.  
  
Just that simple touch dissolved Sara into sobs.  
  
"Hey, Sar." There was a worried tone in Nick's voice as he began to scoot closer to her until he was sitting on the bed next to her. He rested one hand on her elbow and with the other he stroked her hair. "It's gonna be ok."  
  
"I just want it to stop hurting, Nick." Sara cried as she hugged her pillow a little harder.  
  
"It's gonna get better." Nick eased himself down next to her and slid his arm around her waist, pulling her back against him. "I'm here for you. It's gonna be ok." He continued to stroke her hair.  
  
"I just hate this so much." Sara choked out.  
  
"I know. It'll get better. It's gonna be ok." His voice was soothing.  
  
Her sobs began to taper off as she relaxed against him, taking comfort from his presence. Neither one of them said anything save the shushing noises from Nick. Sara's breathing began to even out and deepen until Nick was sure that she'd fallen asleep. He continued to hold her, stroking her hair occasionally until he too fell into an exhausted sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Nick didn't feel Sara stir next to him as she began to wake up hours later. He was sound asleep on his stomach and one of his arms was slung securely across Sara's waist as she lay on her back. It took Sara a minute to remember why Nick was sleeping in her bed, and then as she remembered the events of the last twenty-four hours she closed her eyes again and let out a sigh. She knew that this would probably be the last time she'd get to relax and be alone with her thoughts for the rest of the night. As soon as she got to work she was going to have to talk to Grissom and she was not looking forward to it. She knew she'd disappointed him by drinking and driving, but she also knew that she'd worried him and everyone else when she'd climbed up on the railing on the roof of the lab.  
  
She glanced over at Nick and smiled as he slept on top of the comforter. He was a good friend; the best kind of friend. On the worst day of her entire life, he had walked in and stayed with her. She was tempted to just let him sleep, but she knew that they probably needed to get up so that they could get ready for work. He had brought no change of clothes with him and he probably would want to stop by his house on the way to the lab so he could take a shower and put something fresh on especially after sleeping in his clothes.  
  
She watched him sleep for a few more minutes and then reached over and tousled his hair. "Nick."  
  
His arm tightened around her waist as he let out a sleepy groan.  
  
Sara touched his shoulder and tried to shake him. "Nick."  
  
"Mmnmph." He furrowed his brow, but still didn't open his eyes.  
  
Sara was almost ready to laugh. "Nick, wake up." She shook his shoulder again.  
  
His eyes slowly open and he looked a little disoriented. "What?"  
  
Sara let out a chuckle. "Nick, we have to get up."  
  
He finally realized where he was and why he was there. "Hey, Sar." He didn't make a move to get up and closed his eyes again.  
  
She tousled his hair again. "Nick, are you always this hard to wake up?"  
  
He smiled and mumbled without opening his eyes. "I'm awake. Did you sleep ok?"  
  
She smiled. "Yeah. Thanks." She poked him in the side. "Now get up."  
  
His eyes opened wide and he let out a yelp. "Do you have a license for that finger?"  
  
She smirked at him. "I didn't poke you that hard."  
  
Nick's eyebrows curved upward. "That hard? I think you displaced my lung."  
  
"Baby." She teased, rolling her eyes.  
  
"I'm tired." He closed his eyes again.  
  
"Nick, we need to get up and go to work." Sara informed him.  
  
He didn't open his eyes. "What time is it?"  
  
She glanced over at the clock and then back at him. "Shift starts in two hours."  
  
Nick let out a groan. "We don't need to get up."  
  
Sara scoffed. "Yes, we do."  
  
"It doesn't take me that long to get ready." Nick reasoned.  
  
"Did you bring a change of clothes with you?" Sara queried him already knowing the answer.  
  
He squinted at her with a sheepish expression. "No."  
  
"I'm assuming that you'd like to take a shower before work." She continued with one eyebrow raised.  
  
"Are you trying to tell me something?" Nick teased, still not willing to get up.  
  
"Yeah, you smell like my trash." Sara quipped.  
  
"Very funny." Nick couldn't help but chuckle.  
  
Sara let out a slightly exasperated sigh. "So, if you plan on swinging by your house on the way in, I need to get ready since I don't have a vehicle here and I'll have to come with you."  
  
"I'm not stopping you." He chuckled again.  
  
She smirked at him. "Well your arm is."  
  
Nick smiled as he withdrew his arm from across her waist. "Sorry."  
  
"I'm going to go take a shower." Sara informed him as she pulled the comforter back, flinging it over Nick who had been sleeping on top of it, and sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She walked over to her closet in her pajamas to pull out something to wear to work. An amused smile spread across her face as she glanced over her shoulder at Nick. He had grabbed her pillow and appeared to be trying to go back to sleep. "We're going to have to leave when I'm done getting ready."  
  
"Kay." Nick smiled, his eyes still closed. "This is cozy."  
  
She shook her head and chuckled to herself as she disappeared into the bathroom.  
  
Nick lay there thinking, not really able to go back to sleep. He was pleased that Sara seemed to be in such a good mood, especially after the previous day. He hoped that it had been a turning point for her and that things would gradually improve. He knew that she was going to have a hard time talking to Grissom; she had a great deal of respect for him professionally and seeing him disappointed in her had hit her hard.  
  
As Nick lay there, he realized that Sara had been in the bathroom quite a long time. When she finally emerged, Nick had to chuckle, he never would have envisioned Sara Sidle as a woman who primped.  
  
Noting his amused expression and the fact that he was still laying on her bed, Sara smirked as she walked over and stood at the side of the bed. "Hey, you need to get up, lazy butt."  
  
Nick yawned rolled over onto his back before tossing the comforter off of him and crawling out of bed to stand up and stretch. He grinned at her. "Ok, I'm ready to go. What took you so long?"  
  
She crossed her arms in front of her body and raised an eyebrow at him in challenge.  
  
He chuckled. "Not that I'm complaining, I got some much needed rest; I just never figured that you spent so much time getting ready for work."  
  
Sara scoffed. "I did not take that long to get ready."  
  
He raised an eyebrow at her and smirked. "Yeah, you did, but you clean up good."  
  
She felt an embarrassed smile tug at the corners of her mouth. "Well, let's hope you clean up good too because right now you look pretty rumpled."  
  
They made their way over to Nick's house and while Sara waited for him to shower and change, she wandered around his living room looking at his collection of books on various species of birds. As she replaced one volume on the shelf she glanced at her watch and furrowed her brow. In her estimation, Nick was taking a long time to get ready. The water had stopped some time ago and still he hadn't emerged from the bathroom.  
  
She walked over to the door and softly tapped. "Nick, we're going to be late for work if you don't hurry."  
  
The door slowly opened to reveal Nick who was showered and dressed. "I'm just fixing my hair."  
  
Sara glanced at him and smirked. "You look fine."  
  
He continued to comb his hair for a few more minutes until he was satisfied that every hair was perfectly situated. "Ok, I'm ready." He turned to face Sara who was doing her best to not laugh. "What?" He looked at her a bit perplexed.  
  
She shrugged and let out a giggle. "I just never thought you spent that much time in front of the mirror."  
  
He looked a little sheepish. "It wasn't that long."  
  
Sara raised her eyebrow and giggled.  
  
Nick smiled a little embarrassed. "Since when is it a crime to look nice?"  
  
"I just thought you looked fine before, that's all." Sara smirked.  
  
He quickly changed the subject. "You ready to go?"  
  
Sara suddenly looked a little nervous as she contemplated talking to Grissom. She let out a sigh. "Ready as I'll ever be."  
  
He pulled her into a quick hug. "Hey, it's gonna be ok. I'm here for you."  
  
Sara felt tears well up in her eyes and blinked them back. "Thanks, Nick. Thanks for everything." 


	10. Chapter 10

Nick and Sara arrived at the lab about ten minutes before shift was scheduled to begin. Sara felt a sinking feeling as they entered the building together and made their way down the hallway. They stopped by Grissom's office but noticed that he wasn't in it so they headed to the break room in search of coffee. As they approached, they noticed Catherine, Warrick and Grissom seated at the table.

Sara slowed and glanced over at Nick. "I'm not sure I can do this."  
  
He smiled at her and slung his arm around her shoulders, giving her a hug. "Yes, you can. Just remember, we all care about you. Ok?" He looked at her expectantly.  
  
She nodded and took a deep breath as they entered.  
  
Warrick was the first to notice them as they walked into the room. He was on his feet and across the room in moments, pulling Sara into a bear hug. "Girl, I am so glad you're ok. I was so worried about you."  
  
Sara was a little overwhelmed and blinked back the tears she felt forming in her eyes. "Thanks." She stepped out of his embrace and put on what she hoped looked like a genuine smile.  
  
In the next instant, Catherine was standing before her, her eyes misting. "You had us really worried." She touched Sara's shoulder and smiled. "If there's anything I can do, if you ever want to talk, just let me know."  
  
"Thanks." Sara glanced over at Nick who was still standing beside her. Her brow furrowed slightly and he could tell that she was feeling anxious.  
  
Grissom studied the exchange and then interrupted what he felt was becoming an awkward moment for Sara. "Sara, I need to talk to you in my office after I hand out assignments."  
  
A slightly panicked expression crossed her face and then she relaxed as she felt Nick's hand at the small of her back. "Grissom, I want Nick to come too."  
  
Grissom glanced at Nick for a moment and then nodded at Sara. "Ok." He turned towards Warrick and Catherine. "Warrick, I'll meet you at the scene. Catherine, take Greg with you."  
  
Warrick moved towards the door, pausing for a moment as he looked back at Sara. "I really am glad you're ok, girl."  
  
Catherine patted Sara's shoulder as she passed by and then headed down the hallway in search of Greg.  
  
Grissom raised an eyebrow at Nick and Sara. "I'll meet you in my office." He picked up his coffee cup and headed out the door.  
  
Sara let out a breath that she didn't realize she was holding and then moved towards the coffee machine. "That went well." There was a hint of sarcasm and relief in her voice. "Now the fun part."  
  
Nick let out a soft chuckle. "Let me know if Warrick and Catherine get too intense. After what happened with Nigel, I felt a little smothered at times."  
  
She glanced back at him with an appreciative smile. "Thanks, I will." She handed him a cup of coffee that she'd just poured and then turned around and poured herself one as well.  
  
"You ready?" He gestured towards the doorway.  
  
She let out a deep breath and nodded. "I guess." She was lost in thought as they walked down the hallway. She really didn't want to talk to Grissom about this, she wished that she could just ignore that it had happened at all, but of course, that was impossible. She knew that there were consequences for her actions and that this was one of them. She only hoped that Grissom wouldn't act so Grissom-like in this situation. It would be nice to know he cared for her as a person, but then she reasoned that while it came so easily for Nick, Grissom was very much like her and she had a difficult time letting people know that she cared. Nick had mentioned that Warrick and Catherine had practically smothered him with concern after what had transpired with Nigel Crane, she on the other hand had just acted as if everything was normal when she knew that he had just gone through a hellish ordeal. She just hadn't known what to say or do. She expected much of the same type of reaction out of Grissom.  
  
The firmness of Nick's hand at her waist made her realized that they were at the doorway to Grissom's office. She glanced up as she entered and noticed that Grissom looked genuinely concerned.  
  
Grissom looked at her over the rim of his glasses as she sat down and Nick closed the door and then came and sat beside her. "Sara, how are you?"  
  
Sara glanced over at Nick and then back at Grissom. "I'm fine."  
  
Grissom looked skeptical. "Sara, I find that difficult to believe after what's happened in the last thirty-six hours. You were picked up for DUI and you threatened to jump off the building."  
  
Nick touched her arm in a reassuring gesture.  
  
"Ok, so obviously I'm not fine." Sara let out a deep sigh and visibly relaxed a little. "But I'm doing better after talking to Nick."  
  
Grissom considered her words for a moment. "I'm glad you talked to someone, Sara."  
  
"But?" Sara knew that she wasn't getting off that easily and she was prepared for it.  
  
Grissom was surprised she wasn't more defensive. He let out a deep sigh. "You need to talk to a professional about what's been going on." Grissom took a deep breath before he continued. "Nick told me about the extent of your drinking, and I'm concerned, especially because you got pulled over."  
  
Sara's shoulders slumped, but she didn't say anything.  
  
"We can all offer you support, but a professional is going to be able to help you with things that are beyond our capabilities." Grissom offered gently.  
  
Sara glanced over at Nick who had a pensive expression on his face. She looked back over at Grissom. "That's what Nick said."  
  
"You don't agree?" Grissom queried her with concern.  
  
She met his gaze. "This is just really hard. I really don't want to see a counselor, but I will."  
  
Nick reached over and squeezed her shoulder, smiling at her. "I'm proud of you, Sar."  
  
Grissom studied Sara for a moment. "You don't have to see the department's counselor, but I do want you to see someone and we'll make whatever accommodations are necessary."  
  
A small smile began to form on her face. "Is this your way of telling me you're keeping it out of my records?"  
  
A half smile tugged at Grissom's lips. "I'd rather deal with something like this internally than have it affect your entire career."  
  
"So does that mean you're going to let me keep working?" Sara didn't want to sound too hopeful.  
  
Grissom had had plenty of time to think about the situation since he hadn't gotten more than two hours of sleep and even that was on the couch in his office. He nodded at her. "You can keep working, but with the following conditions."  
  
Sara looked at him nervously.  
  
Grissom continued. "For the time being, you cannot work solo and I don't want you to carry a firearm."  
  
Sara nodded. "Ok." She glanced over at Nick who was smiling softly at her and then back at Grissom. "Uh, Grissom, I had a gun at home; I gave it to Nick."  
  
"Voluntarily." Nick informed him.  
  
"That's good." Grissom intoned in a somewhat surprised manner.  
  
"Is that all?" Sara asked hoping that this meeting would be over soon.  
  
Grissom still looked concerned. "Sara, I think you should consider staying with someone or having someone you're comfortable with stay with you for a week or so."  
  
Sara bristled somewhat defensively. "You think I'm a danger to myself."  
  
Nick quickly reached over and put his hand on her arm. "Sara, that's not what he's saying."  
  
She looked over at him with an expression that challenged his statement.  
  
Nick continued. "You scared the hell out of us and it would make all of us feel better if you'd let one of us stay with you or have you stay with us, that's all." Nick looked over at their boss. "Isn't that right, Gris?"  
  
"Yes." Grissom agreed.  
  
Sara was quiet for a moment as she considered their words. She glanced over at Nick and when she spoke, her voice was tentative. "Would you stay with me?" She looked at him with an expectant expression.  
  
Nick smiled. "Why don't you stay with me? I've got more room, real food, and a big screen TV with cable."  
  
Grissom studied Sara for a moment hoping that she would take Nick up on his offer and at the same time wishing that he felt capable of making the same sort of offer.  
  
Sara rolled her eyes and chuckled as she quipped with a hint of amused sarcasm. "Has any woman ever turned you down?"  
  
He grinned at her remembering that she'd said those same words up on the roof when he'd pulled her away from the railing. "Not that I can recall."  
  
Grissom breathed a sigh of relief, but also felt a twinge of sadness at the friendship he saw before him and a bit of regret for what he'd passed up.


	11. Chapter 11

Nick glanced at Sara curiously as she picked at her food. "Something wrong?"  
  
She glanced up at him and noticed his raised eyebrow. She shook her head. "Sorry, I just feel like you're babysitting me."  
  
Nick looked at her for a long moment before he busted out laughing. "Babysitting you?"  
  
She nodded a little sheepishly. "The only reason I'm here is because I got the feeling Grissom wouldn't let me work otherwise."  
  
Nick smiled. "You're here because right now I think you need someone you can wake up and talk to if you have a nightmare." He speared a carrot with his fork and popped it into his mouth. "And I have a guest room." He smirked. "You were right about your couch."  
  
She laughed in spite of herself. "I warned you."  
  
"That you did." He grinned.  
  
"I still feel like I'm putting you out." She mussed as she finally forked a piece of her vegetable stir fry and popped it in her mouth.  
  
He shook his head in amusement. "Sara, I wouldn't have suggested that you stay with me if I felt you might put me out. Now if you start to alphabetize my spices, you're out of here." He smirked at her.  
  
"Hey." She protested with a smile. "Spices should be in alphabetical order, that way you can find them easier."  
  
Nick chuckled. "You're something, you know that?"  
  
"You say that like it's a bad thing." Sara barbed back with a smirk.  
  
He shook his head. "I just find it amusing that's all. You and my sister Angie would get along really well, except she alphabetizes her canned food too."  
  
Sara became very interested in her plate at that moment as she seemed to have trouble getting a spear of broccoli on her fork.  
  
Nick started laughing. "Don't tell me you alphabetize your canned food."  
  
Sara looked up at him and shot him a withering glance.  
  
Nick raised a hand in apology and then started coughing on his food as he tried to stop laughing. "I don't even want to see your medicine cabinet."  
  
Nick's amusement suddenly became funny to her and she started laughing.  
  
"See? Even you think it's funny." Nick teased.  
  
She smirked at him. "Brat."  
  
His eyebrows shot up in mock surprise. "Have you been talking to my sisters?"  
  
"I bet you were a little brat, weren't you?" She giggled.  
  
"I was a perfect angel." Nick grinned, popping another vegetable in his mouth.  
  
"Uh, huh." Sara replied doubtfully.  
  
Nick gestured towards her plate with his fork. "Better eat up there. We have a movie to watch."  
  
She shook her head as she popped another forkful of food in her mouth. As she finished chewing, she furrowed her brow and looked at Nick curiously. "Do you have any cotton balls?"  
  
Nick looked at her strangely. "Cotton balls?"  
  
She smirked at him again. "I wanted to take the polish off of my toenails."  
  
Nick wasn't sure what to say. "Ok."  
  
Her expression could only be described as girlish. "Because I wanted to put a new color on them."  
  
Nick chuckled and shook his head. "Sara, you amaze me."  
  
She furrowed her brow a bit self consciously. "Why, just because I want to paint my toenails?"  
  
He smiled. "No. I've just never seen this side of you before."  
  
She smiled back. "You know I actually do more than just read forensic journals in my off time."  
  
He gestured towards her plate again. "Finish that up and I'll see if I can find some cotton balls." He stood up and took his plate into the kitchen before heading down the hallway to the bathroom. When he returned about ten minutes later with a bag of cotton balls in hand, Sara had finished eating and was in the process of washing the dishes. Nick studied her for a moment. "You don't have to do that."  
  
She smiled at him. "I want to. It's the least I can to do for what you've done for me."  
  
Nick shook his head. "You don't owe me anything, Sara. If anything I owe you."  
  
She turned and looked at him with an almost angry expression. "Nick, don't blame yourself; I don't. I'm the one that chose to climb on that railing. You pulled me off. Don't you understand that? You saved my life."  
  
Nick felt emotion welling up in his throat. "But I wasn't there when you needed me. If I had said something earlier, you might not have done that."  
  
"You were there when I needed you the most." Sara shook her head and set the dish she was drying down on the counter. "And besides, do you really think I would have listened to anyone earlier?"  
  
Nick didn't know what to say.  
  
Sara stepped towards him. "Look, I know that I'm far from ok, but I don't think I would be here right now if it wasn't for you." She reached out and pulled him into a hug.  
  
Nick enveloped her in his arms. "I'm still sorry I didn't say something sooner." His voice wavered slightly.  
  
Sara pulled out of his embrace and gave him a stern look. "Stop it. You can't change the past and neither can I."  
  
Nick pulled her close again and hugged her before letting go of her completely. He put a smile on his face to cover up the tears that threatened. "Hey, I found you some cotton balls."  
  
She took the bag from his outstretched hand and smiled. "Thanks. I'm just going to go put my pajamas on and get my nail polish."  
  
Nick looked at her incredulously as she made her way down the hallway to his guest room. There was a whole lot about Sara that he didn't know and he had to admit that he was finding much of it highly amusing. He hadn't lived with a woman since he'd lived with his sisters at home. Sure he'd bedded enough, but he'd never actually lived with one. Suddenly he was finding Sara's habits highly entertaining.  
  
He wandered into the living room and pulled out a couple of DVDs to let Sara choose from and settled himself on the couch.  
  
She padded back into the living room in her tank top and pajama pants; her hair was up in ponytail and she had what looked like several colors of nail polish as well as a bottle of nail polish remover. She smiled at him as she settled herself on the couch next to him. "What are we watching?"  
  
He tried to restrain his grin as he glanced at her toes, which were propped up on the coffee table. "Uh, I thought I'd let you chose."  
  
Sara looked at the choices and Nick looked at her feet, wondering if he'd ever really seen them before and deciding that he hadn't. She glanced up at him. "What?"  
  
"Uh, nothing." He pointed at her toes. "I just wondered what color that was."  
  
She smirked at him. "Passion Punch, but I think I'm going to try Lilac Fusion."  
  
"Oh." Nick pursed his lips together. "Sounds like a good choice. What movie did you want to see?"  
  
She tossed the DVD case at him. "Pirates of the Caribbean." 


	12. Chapter 12

For the first time in a very long time, Sara slept deeply. With the weight of the day and all of the things she had been dreading lifted off of her shoulders, she felt a sense of freedom, and so she slept. And she would have kept on sleeping too if Nick hadn't woken her up.  
  
He tapped softly on the door of the guest room and when he didn't get an answer, he quietly opened it and poked his head in. He had to smile at the image of Sara looking so peaceful, so unlike the Sara of the last few months. He knew that she usually slept very little and he felt guilty about waking her, but she'd made an appointment to see a counselor before shift and he'd promised to go with her, if for no other purpose than to sit in the waiting room until she was done.  
  
He cleared his throat. "Sara."  
  
She stirred slightly, hugging the pillow to her body, her lips curling upwards in a sleepy smile.  
  
Nick felt a smile tugging at his own lips again. "Sara."  
  
This time, Sara's eyes fluttered open and then closed again. "What time is it?"  
  
"You've got that appointment before shift." Nick reminded her gently.  
  
Sara snuggled with the pillow. "I'm tired."  
  
Nick chuckled softly. "You need to get up."  
  
"Five more minutes." Sara smiled with her eyes closed.  
  
"If you want to primp in the bathroom like you did yesterday, you're gonna want to get up now." Nick had a teasing tone in his voice.  
  
Sara's eyes opened and she smirked at him. "I did not primp."  
  
He chuckled. "Yeah, you did. Although, I'm not sure why, you look good no matter what you do."  
  
She looked at him a bit curiously. "Thanks, I think."  
  
Nick gestured towards the hallway. "I put towels in the bathroom for you. Let me know if you need anything else in there, I don't use that one much."  
  
She smiled sleepily at him. "Thanks." Reluctantly, she pulled herself out of bed and let out a yawn as she stretched.  
  
Nick watched her in amusement. "I take it you slept well."  
  
She nodded. "Yeah, I did. I don't think I've slept that well in months."  
  
"I'm just gonna make us something to eat." He turned and closed the door behind him and headed into the kitchen. He had a smile on his face as he considered Sara's demeanor. He hoped that it would remain that way even after she'd talked to the counselor.  
  
Nick had just pulled a loaf of garlic bread out of the oven when Sara finally emerged from the bathroom. He couldn't help but chuckle as he noticed that she'd taken even longer to get ready than she'd taken the day before.  
  
She wandered over to where he was preparing the food and glanced over his shoulder. "What are we having?"  
  
"Eggplant parmesan." Nick smiled.  
  
Sara's eyebrows shot up. "You're kidding."  
  
Nick smirked. "No, I'm not kidding. I happened to see this on 'Everyday Italian' on the Food Network and it was actually very easy."  
  
Sara couldn't help but let out an amused snort. "The Food Network. You watch cooking shows too?"  
  
He gave her a slightly annoyed glance. "What's wrong with watching cooking shows?"  
  
She pursed her lips together to keep from laughing and shook her head. "Uh, nothing, I just didn't picture you as the gourmet cooking type." She furrowed her brow together for a moment and then she started laughing. "Oh, that's the one with the young Italian woman isn't it?"  
  
Nick looked slightly embarrassed. "Yeah. Why?"  
  
Sara noticed the hint of pink in his cheeks. "You watch it because you think she's cute, don't you?"  
  
Nick glanced at her and smiled. "She is pretty hot, but the recipes are good too."  
  
Sara raised an eyebrow in challenge.  
  
Nick answered her challenge by handing her a plate. "Try it if you don't believe me."  
  
She took the plate and carried it over to the dining room table. As she took a bite, she closed her eyes. "Mmmn. This is so good."  
  
He grinned as he sat down next to her. "See? I told you it was good."  
  
She looked at him quizzically. "Where did you learn how to cook like this?"  
  
He chuckled. "My mom made sure all of us could cook before we left home. It was kind of a hobby for her, a way to unwind after a long day in court and she'd have one of us help her make dinner each night. I think it was a way she could spend time with us one on one without anyone else feeling like they were getting left out."  
  
They continued to chat throughout the meal and when they were done, they quickly washed the dishes and headed out the door for Sara's first appointment with her counselor.  
  
By the time they arrived in the parking lot, Sara was a bundle of nerves. She looked over at Nick with a panicked expression. "I don't know if I can do this."  
  
Nick reached over and placed his hand on her arm. "Yes, you can. I'll be there the whole time, Sara."  
  
She glanced out the window, feeling the pit of her stomach tighten. "I feel like a nut case."  
  
Nick squeezed her arm. "You're not crazy, Sara."  
  
She glanced over at him. "Then why do I feel crazy?"  
  
He smiled reassuringly. "You're not crazy. Now Nigel Crane, he was crazy. Trust me, you're not even close to crazy."  
  
A myriad of emotions flickered across her face and then she looked him in the eye. "Ok, but you promise that you'll be in there the whole time."  
  
He nodded. "I promise." A mischievous expression crossed his face for a moment. "Unless of course you have deep dark secrets about why you alphabetize your spices, I wouldn't want to pry."  
  
She slugged him in the bicep and shot him an amused glare. "Very funny."  
  
He chuckled. "Don't worry, Sara. I promised that I'd be there, and I'll be there." He glanced at his watch and then back at her. "We'd better get going in there if you don't want to be late."  
  
Sara let out a deep breath. "Since sitting here is obviously out of the question, I suppose there's no time like the present."  
  
Nick smiled. "It's gonna be ok."  
  
"I sure as hell hope so." She muttered under her breath as she climbed out of Nick's Denali. As they made their way up the sidewalk towards the entrance to the counselor's office the only thing that kept Sara from bolting was Nick's hand at the small of her back. 


	13. Chapter 13

"I am not going back in there." Sara seethed as she and Nick climbed into his Denali.

Nick looked over at her thoughtfully. "Sara, you can always try someone else."  
  
Sara clenched her jaw. "This is so not fair." She was on the verge of tears. "Did you hear the questions she asked me?"  
  
He nodded. As promised, he had sat there with her the entire time and he could see her becoming more and more agitated as the counselor continued to ask her question after question. He could tell that Sara felt that she was being 'handled' and that it was pissing her off.  
  
"Of course you heard her." Sara was fuming. She crossed her arms across her chest and looked over at Nick. "I don't want to do this."  
  
He reached over and touched her shoulder. "I know." He gave her shoulder a squeeze and then released it as he fastened his seatbelt. "Maybe there's someone who isn't quite so clinical in their approach."  
  
"And maybe there's not." Sara quipped bitterly.  
  
He let out a deep breath and spoke as gently as he could. "I know you don't want to hear this right now, but if you don't see someone, Grissom won't let you work."  
  
Sara's chin quivered at his words and a single tear slipped down her cheek as she turned towards the window. Nick reached over again and touched her shoulder. As he did, Sara started to sob. He unfastened his seatbelt, flipped up the center console and scooted closer to her as he put his arm around her shoulder. Sara turned towards him and buried her face in his chest as she let him hold her as she cried. Nick rubbed her back and made shushing noises until her sobs began to subside.  
  
Sara pulled away, sniffling. "I hate this." She wiped at her eyes and looked at Nick. "I just don't want to tell a perfect stranger all the sordid details of my life."  
  
Nick tried to stifle a smile. "You've got sordid details?"  
  
She swatted at him, but smiled in the process. "You know what I mean."  
  
"Yeah, I do know what you mean. There are just some things in your life you don't want anyone to know about." Nick agreed with a more serious tone.  
  
"I mean the only vested interest they have in me talking to them is because they're getting paid." Sara continued with another sniffle.  
  
"I'm sure that's not the only reason, Sar." Nick tried to reassure her.  
  
She sniffled again. "Well I'm still not going back to talk to doctor whatever her name was." She gestured towards the building that they'd just left.  
  
Nick raised a curious eyebrow at her. "How did you find her in the first place if you don't mind me asking?"  
  
Sara looked at him and harrumphed. "Grissom gave me her card."  
  
Nick smiled at her. "Hey, have you thought about seeing someone that someone you know has gone to?"  
  
She shook her head. "I don't know anyone who's seen a shrink."  
  
"Yeah you do." He replied softly.  
  
She looked at him quizzically. "Who?"  
  
His reply was almost a whisper. "Me."  
  
She looked a bit surprised. "You?"  
  
He nodded. "After what happened with Nigel Crane, Grissom made me. I didn't want to, I think my family helped more than Dr. Colby, but he wasn't that bad."  
  
"I didn't know that." She studied him and wondered why he hadn't shared that with her over the course of the last couple of days.  
  
Nick let out a deep breath. "The only person besides Dr. Colby that knew was Grissom. I just didn't want people to look at me like I couldn't do my job."  
  
Sara nodded in understanding. She felt that people were looking at her strangely and questioning her fitness to do her job, but she also knew that if she had known Nick had gone to a counselor, she probably would have wondered at the time if he could do his job.  
  
"I could give you his number if you want." Nick offered.  
  
Sara sniffled again and a tentative smile spread across her face. "Yeah, I think I'd like that." A flicker of worry flashed across her face. "You'll come with me though, won't you? I don't want to go alone."  
  
Nick nodded. "I promised I would."  
  
She wiped her face and then started to laugh. "I probably look like a mess."  
  
Nick shook his head. "I've seen you look a lot worse and I still think you're pretty."  
  
She smiled. "You're good for my ego."  
  
He grinned at her and scooted back over to his side of the seat. "You ready to go to work?"  
  
She nodded. "As I'll ever be."  
  
When they got to the lab, Sara headed directly for the ladies room to try and fix her smudged makeup. As she stood there looking in the mirror, Catherine walked in and Sara glanced up. "Hey, Cat."  
  
Catherine looked at her with concern. "Uh, you doing ok, Sara?"  
  
Sara smiled and let out a sigh. "I'll be fine."  
  
Catherine leaned against one of the sinks next to where Sara stood. "You want to talk about it?"  
  
Sara shook her head. "That's the problem. Grissom's making me see a shrink."  
  
Catherine groaned knowingly. "Fun."  
  
Sara rolled her eyes. "Nothing like having a perfect stranger asking you to spill your guts."  
  
Catherine thought for a moment. "You know, if it makes you feel any better, I think most of us have had to go see a shrink at some point in time in this job."  
  
Sara looked at her with a surprised expression.  
  
Catherine nodded. "I'm not sure I would have made it past my fifth year otherwise. It's never fun at the time, but it does help."  
  
"Well, I'm not going back to doctor what's her name." Sara groused as she touched up her makeup.  
  
"I can give you the name of someone good." Catherine offered.  
  
Sara looked up at her and looked like she was considering her offer.  
  
"Because I'm sure that whoever Grissom referred you to is someone the department recommends, because I'm sure he's never talked to one unless they were a suspect." Catherine continued with a knowing expression.  
  
"I've got another name, but I'll let you know." Sara breathed out slowly. She had been afraid of talking to Catherine and Warrick, afraid that she would feel judged, but surprisingly, she really didn't. It seemed that Catherine actually cared and she could see why Nick felt so close to her.  
  
Catherine smiled. "So how are things going staying at Nick's."  
  
Sara chuckled. "Did you know he can actually cook?"  
  
Catherine's eyebrows curved upward. "He's been holding out on us."  
  
Sara smirked and crossed her arms in front of her body. "I think he has a crush on one of the female chefs on the Food Network."  
  
Catherine let out a deep throaty laugh.  
  
Sara smiled. "But the eggplant parmesan was really good."  
  
Catherine smiled at her again. "You do know that we're all pulling for you, don't you?"  
  
Sara nodded a bit self consciously. "Yeah."  
  
"I'm really sorry that I didn't notice something was wrong, Sara." Catherine looked sincere.  
  
Sara regarded her with a serious expression. "Catherine, like I told Nick, no one can change the past."  
  
Catherine patted Sara's arm. "Just remember if you ever want to talk, my door's open."  
  
Sara smiled. "Thanks." She glanced at her watch and then back at Catherine. "Uh, we should get to the briefing before Grissom wonders where we are."


	14. Chapter 14

Sara was intercepted in the hallway by Grissom as she and Catherine made their way to the break room.  
  
"Sara, can I speak with you for a moment?" Grissom looked at her expectantly.  
  
She glanced at Catherine, giving her an exasperated glance before turning to Grissom. "Sure."  
  
She followed Grissom to his office and clenched her jaw as he closed the door.  
  
"Have a seat." Grissom gestured towards the chair in front of his desk as he sat behind it.  
  
She furrowed her brow and could feel her heart rate go up as she clenched her jaw even tighter.  
  
"How did it go?" Grissom knew she was supposed to visit the counselor before shift and wanted to see how she was. He mistook her silence for something else; for what Sara wasn't sure.  
  
She shot him a glare and felt a bit of satisfaction as she watched his eyebrows go up. "Not good."  
  
Grissom looked confused. "Nick didn't go with you?"  
  
It was all Sara could do to not throw something at Grissom at his assumption. She tried to keep her tone even. "He was there. It was the shrink you recommended that was the problem."  
  
Grissom tilted his head and kept his tone light. "You didn't like Dr. Fonnesberg?"  
  
"Dislike doesn't even begin to cover it." Sara's voice fluctuated enough for Grissom to understand that she was less than pleased with him for recommending her.  
  
Grissom faltered for a moment. "I'm not sure what to say."  
  
"Really? I hadn't noticed." Sara could not keep the sarcasm out of her voice, but as soon as she spoke the words, she regretted them. She let out a deep sigh, closing her eyes for a moment before she looked at Grissom again. "I'm sorry."  
  
Grissom gave her a boyish smile, trying to put her at ease. "It's ok."  
  
She looked at him earnestly for a moment. "What happened here?" She gestured between them. "We used to be good friends."  
  
Grissom looked at her with a befuddled expression, unsure of what to say and hoping that she wasn't going to bring up a discussion of why there was no romantic relationship between them.  
  
Sara shook her head to clarify. "I'm not talking about my stupidity in asking you out. I've moved on." She looked at him with a sad expression. "I just miss being your friend, Grissom. I feel like I can't even talk to you anymore."  
  
Grissom let out a deep breath and took his glasses off to rub his temples for a moment. "I'm sorry, Sara." He replaced his glasses and studied her for a moment. He really was sorry. He missed the conversations they used to have at the end of shift and he missed the enthusiasm she had brought to the job. In recent months, she had been more and more withdrawn and he had assumed that it was because he'd withdrawn, he had never imagined that there might be something deeper going on in her life that was troubling her. "I've made some mistakes, but I can't change what's happened."  
  
Sara nodded in understanding.  
  
"My door is open though. I'm not sure how I can help, but I'm willing to listen." Grissom offered knowing that she most likely would not take him up on that offer.  
  
She noticed the sadness in his expression as she replied. "I'm not going back to that shrink, Grissom."  
  
Before he could respond, she raised her hand to stop him. "I'll see someone, but I'm not going back to her. You just have to give me some time until I find someone." She smiled softly at him. "Don't worry; Nick won't let me give up."  
  
Grissom nodded; a half smile gracing his face. "He's a good man, Sara."  
  
"He's a good friend, Grissom." Sara stood up and gestured towards the door, putting a smile on her face. "Are you going to hand out assignments?"  
  
Grissom nodded and stood up as she opened the office door. "After you."  
  
As they entered the break room, Nick raised a curious eyebrow at her that spoke volumes. She offered him a smile as she sat down next to him. He reached over and patted her leg and returned the smile.  
  
After shift, Sara stood in the locker room putting away her ID and grabbing her jacket. The night had felt exceptionally long and she was glad it was time to go home. She let out a frustrated sigh as she realized that she wasn't going home, she wasn't going to be able to kick back and drink a beer or two. She was going to Nick's and he was probably going to make her eat something that was good for her and drink iced tea. A smile played at her lips. She was thankful for him, but at the same time she wondered how she would do when she had to stay alone again, when no one was watching her all the time. She closed the door to her locker just as Nick entered the room.  
  
He smiled at her. "You look tired."  
  
She nodded. "Yeah, that case was tough." She and Nick had worked a case where a teenage girl had been kicked out of her parents' house for not getting high enough grades. When she'd found nowhere to go, she turned to the streets. She'd been out there two days when she'd been raped and murdered. When they'd gone to inform her parents, Nick and Sara were both shocked by their response. They had coldly commented that she wouldn't have ended up that way if she'd just kept her grades up.  
  
Nick stopped in front of her and put his hand on her shoulder. "You gonna be ok?"  
  
She looked up at him and her first inclination was to say that she would be fine, but after the last couple of days she knew she could trust him. "I don't know. Truthfully, I'd really like to go out and get drunk right now."  
  
Nick pulled her into a hug. "Well you're stuck with me instead. We can stop by the grocery store on the way back to my house and get obscene amounts of Chunky Monkey ice cream."  
  
Sara laughed as she pulled out of his embrace. "Oh, so you think making me fat is going to help me not want to drink."  
  
He rested his hand on her shoulder. "I didn't say that, but it might distract you for a while. And you have to admit that it tastes damn good."  
  
She smirked. "Are you going to try out another recipe you learned from your Food Network girlfriend?"  
  
Nick started to laugh. "Oh, you think you're so funny."  
  
She deadpanned. "I am."  
  
Nick rolled his eyes. "Don't give up the night job."  
  
She raised an eyebrow at him. "You didn't answer my question."  
  
He tilted his head slightly and chuckled. "I was thinking pizza and a movie."  
  
Sara furrowed her brow and pursed her lips. "Can we get extra cheese?"  
  
Nick bit his lip to keep from laughing at her girlish expression. "Uh, yeah. Whatever you want."  
  
Her eyebrows curved upward in a hopeful expression.  
  
He feigned a stern expression. "But I draw the line at watching any Hugh Grant movies."  
  
She smiled at him in amusement. "How about George Clooney or Brad Pitt then?"  
  
He chuckled. "I guess that might be ok." He slung his arm around her shoulder and propelled her towards the door. "I think I might have a copy of 'Ocean's Eleven' lying around."  
  
"Isn't Julia Roberts in that?" She teased as they headed out into the hallway. 


	15. Chapter 15

"Hey, that was fast." Sara remarked as she heard a knock at Nick's door. They were lounging on his couch watching the Discovery Channel waiting for the pizza they had ordered to arrive so that they could start the movie. It didn't seem like it had been that long since Nick had called the pizza place and they hadn't expected it to be delivered for another ten or fifteen minutes.  
  
Nick glanced over at her and smiled. "They must know we're hungry." He stood up and grabbed his wallet off of the counter as he went to answer the front door. He was leafing through his wallet looking for a twenty, not really noticing who was at the door as he opened it. "How much do I owe you?"  
  
"Do you pay all your friends to come over?" Warrick quipped in amusement.  
  
Nick's head snapped up and a grin spread across his face. "I knew the pizza couldn't have gotten here this soon."  
  
"Is that Warrick?" Sara called out from the living room as she stood and wandered towards the door.  
  
Warrick pulled her into a hug as he walked into the house. "Hey, girl." As he let her out of his embrace he looked at her with a concerned expression. "How are you doing?"  
  
Sara let out a sigh and smiled. "I'm ok."  
  
Warrick raised an eyebrow to challenge her comment. "You sure?"  
  
She rolled her eyes. "I'll be ok. Besides I've got my babysitter here to make sure of that." She gestured towards Nick with a smirk.  
  
Nick furrowed his brow in mock protest. "Hey, I told you, I'm not babysitting you."  
  
Sara rolled her eyes with a smile on her face. "No, I'm just your forced houseguest."  
  
"Emphasis on guest." Nick chided gently.  
  
Warrick smiled at the fact that Sara was bantering with Nick, it gave him hope that she really was going to be ok.  
  
There was another knock at the door. Nick grinned. "Now that's the pizza." He glanced over at Warrick for a moment. "Hey, man, you want to stick around for a while?"  
  
"Sure." Warrick glanced over at Sara, studying her, but tried not to appear as if he was. He wanted to reassure himself that she really was ok. He had been feeling a pang of guilt ever since he'd found out she'd been pulled over after they'd all left the bar. He kept asking himself if there was anything he could have done differently that could have changed the events of the last few days.  
  
The trio settled themselves on the couch and began to devour the pizza as they chatted good naturedly. The TV was still tuned to the Discovery Channel when Sara decided that she'd had enough to eat. She glanced over at Nick with a grin. "So when are we going to watch the movie?"  
  
He smiled as he bit into another slice of pizza. "Anytime."  
  
"What are you guys going to watch?" Warrick asked quizzically trying to decide if he really wanted another slice of pizza.  
  
"Sara wanted to watch 'Ocean's Eleven'." Nick managed in between bites. "Something about Brad Pitt and George Clooney." He looked at Sara with a teasing expression.  
  
"Hey, Julia Roberts is in that, I'll stick around." Warrick replied with a chuckle.  
  
Sara smiled widely and stood up. "Guys, I'm going to put my pajamas on and I'll be right back." She disappeared down the hallway and into the guest room.  
  
Nick chuckled and shook his head as he watched her go.  
  
"What's so funny?" Warrick queried him.  
  
Nick gestured towards the hallway. "I hope you're not in a hurry, we could be sitting here for a while."  
  
Warrick reached for another slice of pizza and glanced over at Nick with a serious expression. "How's she really doing?"  
  
Nick furrowed his brow for a moment. "Alright. I think it'll be rough for a while, but I think she'll be ok."  
  
A few moments later, Sara emerged from the guest room dressed in her tank top and pajama pants with her hair up in a ponytail. "I'm just going to brush my teeth." She disappeared into the bathroom and closed the door.  
  
Nick chuckled again and glanced over at Warrick. "See what I mean?"  
  
Warrick just shook his head and laughed. When quite a few more minutes passed, Warrick glanced over at Nick. "Just how long is she going to take in there?"  
  
"You should see how long she takes to get ready for work. Never would have guessed she likes to primp that much." Nick took a long sip from his iced tea and then called out towards the bathroom. "Hey, Sara, what's taking you so long, we could have watched the whole movie by now."  
  
A few seconds later, she wandered out and Nick's eyes widened at the green goop spread all over her face. Sara seemed oblivious to Nick's expression and Warrick was thoroughly amused at Nick's reaction. Sara smirked. "I'm almost done. You're supposed to wait until it dries before you take it off."  
  
Nick bit his lower lip. "Do you do this often?"  
  
She narrowed her gaze at him. "The desert heat dries out my skin. This moisturizes. It's made with mud from the Dead Sea."  
  
Warrick remained wisely silent as Nick started to laugh.  
  
Sara raised a single eyebrow at him as she crossed her arms in front of her body. "What's so funny?"  
  
Nick bit his lip again in an effort to stop laughing. "You."  
  
Sara pursed her lips together. "Me."  
  
"You're treading on thin ice, man." Warrick chided with a chuckle.  
  
Nick glanced over at him for a moment before he looked at Sara again and finally registered the displeasure on her face. He started to backpedal. "I just mean that I wouldn't think you'd need something like that, and it's so green."  
  
"Ooh, I would have stopped while you were still on thin ice." Warrick teased, completely amused at Nick's discomfort.  
  
Sara smirked at Warrick.  
  
"I mean, what I'm trying to say is." Nick looked her straight in the eye from where he sat on the couch. "You're already so pretty, I wouldn't think you'd need to do anything extra."  
  
If Sara hadn't had the mask on her face, her cheeks would have been visibly pinker. "Uh, thanks." She gestured behind her in the general direction of the hallway. "I'm just going to go take this off my face so we can watch the movie." She turned and headed back into the bathroom.  
  
Warrick reached over and slugged Nick in the shoulder. "I don't know what's funnier, seeing Sara like this, or watching you fumble like that."  
  
Nick looked at him a bit confused. "What?"  
  
Warrick shook his head. "Never mind."  
  
Nick looked at Warrick's almost empty glass. "You want some more iced tea?"  
  
"Sure." Warrick chuckled.  
  
When Nick returned from the kitchen with fresh beverages for all of them, Sara finally emerged from the bathroom and settled herself between them so they could watch the movie.  
  
Nick grinned as he reached over and touched her nose. "This is a much better look for you. I don't think green's quite your color."  
  
Sara smirked at him and nudged him in the ribs with her elbow. "Just hit play." 


	16. Chapter 16

Sara couldn't sleep. She lay there in Nick's guest room and stared at the ceiling thinking about their case and the reaction, or the lack thereof of the victim's parents. She had allowed Nick and Warrick to distract her earlier and she'd actually had fun, but now in the silence as she tried to sleep, all she wanted to was to do something to numb the pain. She felt a tear stinging her eye and she silently cursed that Nick had cleaned all of the alcohol out of his house before she'd come over. It wasn't even that she particularly liked the taste of liquor it was that it helped to numb her mind. She let out a deep breath and threw back the covers. If she wasn't going to be able to sleep, she figured that she could at least watch TV and hopefully not wake up Nick; at least one of them should be able to get some sleep.

She padded out into the living room and reached for the remote control. As she pushed the power button, she suddenly realized that they had not turned down the volume when they'd finished the movie; Nick had simply switched it off. Now the sound was blaring out of his surround sound speakers and she couldn't find the volume button to turn it down. The same button that had turned the system on was apparently not the same one that turned it off. Sara started pressing random buttons on the remote, hoping that somehow Nick was able to sleep through the calamity she'd created until she could figure out how to turn the volume down or off.  
  
She let out a string of curses just as Nick stumbled out of his bedroom in his boxers and a T-shirt looking startled and disheveled. "What's going on?"  
  
"Nick, I'm so sorry." Sara looked embarrassed. "I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to wake you up."  
  
"It's a little late for that now." He let out a yawn and chuckled as he walked over to where she was sitting on the couch.  
  
Her lips formed a bit of a pout. "How in the hell are you supposed to turn this thing off anyway?"  
  
He reached for the remote and pushed a single button, turning the entire system off. "Looking for that?"  
  
She nodded and looked at him a bit sheepishly. "I didn't mean to wake you up."  
  
Nick ruffled his hair and sat down next to her as he glanced over. "I thought the deal was you were going to wake me up if you wanted to talk."  
  
"I didn't say I wanted to talk, I just couldn't sleep." She crossed her arms in front of her body and sank back into the couch. "I just thought I'd watch TV."  
  
"I've got a better idea." Nick let out another yawn and stood up and went into the kitchen. When he returned, he had two pints of Chunky Monkey ice cream and a couple of spoons. "Here." He smiled at her as he handed her the ice cream.  
  
She shook her head and chuckled as she spooned into the ice cream. "Do you always drown your sorrows in ice cream?"  
  
Nick laughed as he swallowed a spoonful. "So why can't you sleep?"  
  
Sara didn't say anything for a while as she continued to eat the ice cream. Finally, she looked over at Nick who had an expression that said he'd sit there as long as it took until she was ready to talk. "I was thinking about the case."  
  
Nick nodded. "Yeah, that was a tough one. I still can't believe her parents."  
  
Sara felt a flash of anger. "They're responsible for what happened to her." She dug her spoon into the ice cream a little too vigorously, flicking a bit of ice cream at Nick.  
  
"Got enough of my own, thanks." He quipped offering her a smile.  
  
Her mouth was full of ice cream as she realized what she'd done. "Sorry."  
  
He breathed out heavily. "I wish that there was something more serious they could be charged with too." Nick suddenly felt angry too. "I mean what kind of parent kicks their kid out because they dropped below a four point?"  
  
Sara shook her head. "I have no idea. My parents were always trying to get me to study less."  
  
Nick looked at her curiously. "Let me guess, you were the valedictorian?"  
  
She nodded; a hint of color flushing her cheeks. "Yeah." She took another bite of ice cream. "I just don't get it. Don't they know that being smart isn't everything?"  
  
Nick studied her for a moment before he spoke. "You want to tell me about it?"  
  
She felt tears stinging her eyes again and she forced a smile onto her face. "Have you ever had people pay so much attention to one part of who they think you are that they forget everything else?"  
  
He just nodded. "Yeah."  
  
"I've never been the pretty one, the funny one, or even the cute one. I've always been the smart one." She offered, feeling vulnerable admitting how others had seen her growing up.  
  
Nick looked at her a bit perplexed. "But you're all those things."  
  
Sara sniffled.  
  
"I've always thought you were beautiful. You can always make me laugh, and I have to admit that watching you paint your nails is just damn cute." Nick smiled at her.  
  
She smiled at him. "Thanks." She spooned more ice cream into her mouth.  
  
"Sara, since I moved to Vegas, people have gotten this idea that I'm a womanizer. Yeah, I've dated a lot, but there's a lot more to me than that. I didn't become a criminalist because I'm an idiot, although some people think I must be because I've got a bit of a twang." He confessed.  
  
She furrowed her brow. "Hey, I've always thought you were smart."  
  
He chuckled. "Thanks."  
  
"I'm just tired of always being smart, Nick. I just want someone to see me for the other parts of who I am." She sniffled again. "Maybe that's why this case upset me so much. Her parents just couldn't see that she was more than just a smart kid who let her grades slip and I could relate to that."  
  
Nick reached over and took her hand, giving it a squeeze.  
  
She smiled at him. "You know, you told me that you'd help me find a hobby."  
  
He nodded. "That I did."  
  
"Maybe we could talk about that later." She squeezed his hand. "Right now, I think I'm going to try and get some sleep." She stood up and then leaned over and kissed his forehead and then let go of his hand. "Thanks."  
  
He grinned at her. "No problem." He watched her head down the hallway back to the guest room and then something occurred to him. "But remember, becoming a showgirl isn't in the deal."  
  
She flashed him a grin, rolling her eyes at him before closing the door behind her.


	17. Chapter 17

"It might be fun." Sara looked at Nick hopefully as they sat at the break room table sipping coffee while they waited for the rest of the team to arrive for shift. She had just suggested that they sign up for a swing dance class since he'd volunteered himself to help her find a hobby.

"The key word there is 'might'." Nick had a look of dread on his face. Despite the fact that he'd said he'd do a hobby with her, somewhere in the back of his mind he thought she'd go for softball, biking, rock climbing, or some other outdoor activity. Dancing lessons didn't really occur to him; it was somewhere in the same realm as showgirl as far as he was concerned, but then again, he supposed that he should just be thankful that she didn't want to try ballroom dancing.  
  
"Nick." There was a whine in her voice and the beginning of a pout on her lips. "You said you'd try something I was interested in."  
  
He looked at the table and then let out a deep sigh as he glanced up at her. His expression softened. "Yeah, I did. Sorry." He tried to smile. "Sure, I'll give it a whirl." He glanced around the break room. "But can we keep this kind of quiet?"  
  
She furrowed her brow. "What for?" Sara didn't really understand what the big deal was. It wasn't like Nick didn't know how to dance, or didn't go out to clubs for the express purpose of dancing.  
  
He leaned in conspiratorially. "If Greg gets wind of me taking dancing lessons, he's gonna start calling me 'Twinkle Toes' or something."  
  
Sara felt a smirk pulling at her lips. "That's got a nice ring to it. Hmm, 'Twinkle Toes Stokes'." Nick glowered at her and Sara started to laugh. "What? You have to admit it's pretty funny."  
  
He tried to keep a serious expression. "No, it's not." Despite his best efforts, a smile began to tug at his mouth and he finally laughed.  
  
Sara took a long sip of her coffee. "The first class is tomorrow." She bit her lower lip as she waited for Nick's reaction.  
  
His eyebrows curved upward and then he looked at her and chuckled. "You already signed us up, didn't you?"  
  
She tried to hide her smile behind her cup of coffee. "Is that such a bad thing?"  
  
Nick just shook his head and took another sip from his coffee. He glanced over at her with a more serious expression. "Did you call Dr. Colby?"  
  
She set her cup down and nodded. "Yeah, I've got an appointment tomorrow." She looked at him earnestly. "You're still coming with me, right?"  
  
Nick smiled and nodded, looking at her curiously. "Yeah, what time?"  
  
She smirked. "Right before our first dance class."  
  
Before Nick could say anything, Catherine walked in with an odd expression on her face. "You two are taking a dance class?"  
  
"Hey, Cath." Nick smiled at her hoping he could change the subject. He glanced over at Sara with a warning look in hopes of silencing her.  
  
"Nicky." Catherine looked a little amused at the obvious discomfort he was displaying and walked over to the coffee machine to pour herself a cup. She turned around and leaned against the counter, smiling at Sara. "So, Sara, you're taking a dance class?"  
  
Sara glanced at Nick and chuckled softly.  
  
Nick let out a frustrated sigh and looked at Catherine. "Yes, we're taking a dancing class."  
  
Catherine pursed her lips together and raised her eyebrows at Nick. "Uh, you say that like it's a bad thing."  
  
A sheepish expression crossed Nick's face and he glanced over at Sara. "I'm sorry, Sara, I didn't mean for it to sound like that."  
  
"If you don't want to do it, we don't have to." Sara furrowed her brow at Nick. "I mean the point of this was that you were going to do a hobby with me. If you hate it, what's the point?"  
  
"I didn't say I hated it." Nick offered and then glanced up at Catherine who was trying to hide a smile. He let out a deep breath and looked back at Sara. "I've never tried swing dancing. I just didn't want the whole lab to start calling me 'Twinkle Toes'."  
  
Catherine couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, Nick, you know you're never going to hear the end of that now."  
  
Nick closed his eyes and shook his head, not noticing that Warrick, Greg, and Grissom were all walking into the break room at that moment. He began to speak before he opened his eyes. "Catherine, please don't tell anyone that Sara and I are taking dancing lessons." The last few words were slightly stuttered as he opened his eyes and realized that the rest of the team was standing there.  
  
Catherine whispered loudly. "I won't say a word."  
  
Sara was doing her best to keep from laughing at Nick's embarrassment.  
  
Warrick let out a deep chuckle as he sat at the table next to Catherine.  
  
Greg looked completely confused. He hadn't witnessed what had happened to Sara and the rest of the team had agreed that no one else really needed to know. So without the benefit of that knowledge, this revelation came out of left field for him. "You're taking dancing lessons together?"  
  
Sara smiled, trying to diffuse Nick's embarrassment. "Yeah, Nick offered to help me with something, only he didn't know what it was when he agreed to it."  
  
"Nice move, Sara." Warrick chuckled.  
  
Nick just sat there with a hint of color rising in his cheeks. Any hope at doing this secretly was completely gone, but he was at least still thankful she hadn't suggested ballroom dancing.  
  
Catherine had amusement all over her face. "So, you'll be teaching the rest of us then, in the break room, between cases?"  
  
"Don't we have assignments?" Sara looked at Grissom in hopes of changing the subject.  
  
Grissom's expression was altogether too neutral. "Yes, we do." He reached over and handed Warrick a slip. "You've got a domestic disturbance with some unusual circumstances that PD wants investigated. Take Greg with you." He glanced over at Catherine. "You're with me." He handed her a slip. "Brass wants us to meet him at the scene." He took the last slip and with an amused smile handed it to Nick. "Fred and Ginger, you've got a dance with death at the Grand Ballroom at the Hilton."


	18. Chapter 18

Shift was nearly over and as Sara headed down the hallway towards the locker room, she stopped and paused in the doorway of Grissom's office, waiting until he glanced up at her.

He looked at her over the rim of his glasses and a half smile twitched the corner of his mouth. "How was your case?"  
  
Sara crossed her arms in front of herself and smirked. "Well until the tox report comes back, the cause of death is up in the air. But she was an otherwise healthy high school senior. I think PD is still taking witness statements. So far we don't have any suspects."  
  
Grissom began tentatively. "How are you doing?"  
  
She pursed her lips together and nodded. "I'm ok. I've got an appointment with a different shrink this afternoon." A smile began to curve her lips upward. "Nick recommended him."  
  
Grissom gave her a knowing smile. "I'm glad." Grissom tilted his head slightly and amusement flitted across his face. "So, you're taking dancing lessons."  
  
Sara chuckled. "Yeah. People keep telling me I need to get out more; find an interest outside of law enforcement. Nick said he'd help me."  
  
Grissom nodded somberly. "Sara, I'm really sorry that I didn't make you do something sooner." Regret edged his voice.  
  
Sara's brow furrowed. "Grissom, it's not your fault. It's no one's fault."  
  
"I shouldn't have let you work so much." Grissom continued, not convinced that he didn't bear some responsibility.  
  
Sara shook her head defensively. "And what? You know as well as anyone else that I have a reputation for listening to police scanners in my off time."  
  
Grissom didn't say anything for a moment. "Sara, whether you like it or not, we all feel responsible."  
  
Sara's voice was strained. "I need to go." The last thing she wanted to hear at that moment was how what she'd done had affected everyone else.  
  
Grissom just nodded as she turned and headed down the hallway.  
  
When Sara walked into the locker room, Nick was standing there pulling his jacket out. He glanced up and smiled as she walked in. "I was wondering what happened to you."  
  
"Don't worry, I wasn't on the roof." Sara replied with a furrowed brow as she opened her locker to retrieve her jacket.  
  
Concern flashed across Nick's face. He studied her for a moment before he spoke. "Are you ok?"  
  
Sara clenched her jaw for a moment and then turned to face him. "I wish everyone would stop asking me that. I'm not going to kill myself, ok."  
  
Nick raised his hands in surrender. "Hey, I'm on your side here. You just looked like someone pissed you off, that's all."  
  
She noticed his apologetic expression and let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, Nick. I just feel like I'm being handled with kid gloves and everyone thinks that what I did is somehow their fault. What I did isn't about them, it's about me. Why doesn't anyone seem to get that?"  
  
He reached over and put his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, I do get that. Let's get out of here, ok. Some girl talked me into taking dancing lessons and I think I need to eat and get some sleep first."  
  
Sara smirked at him as she closed her locker. "You're going to have fun."  
  
"You seem pretty confident." He retorted as they headed out of the locker room towards the front door of the lab.  
  
"So what are you cooking for breakfast?" She tossed at him. "Anything new from the Food Channel?"  
  
Nick laughed as they left the building. "I guess you'll just have to wait and find out."  
  
Greg was just unlocking the door to his Jetta which was parked next to Nick's Denali as the pair approached. He glanced up and smiled. "You guys going out for breakfast or something?"  
  
Sara shook her head. "No, we're just going to Nick's."  
  
A curious expression crossed Greg's face. "You two aren't dating or something are you?" He knew they spent time together outside of work, but for some reason Greg thought it was strange that they were leaving together, especially in light of the revelation about the dancing lessons.  
  
"No, man, we're not dating." Nick replied quickly, glancing over at Sara who looked at him curiously.  
  
Greg raised an eyebrow at Sara. "Are you having car trouble?"  
  
"My car's fine." Sara replied wondering why Greg was so curious all of a sudden. "We just thought it would be easier to drive in together since I'm staying at Nick's."  
  
Greg was taken aback, but tried not to show it as he fumbled slightly with his words. "You're staying at Nick's?"  
  
"Sara's getting some work done on her apartment so she's staying with me until it's done." Nick tossed out, glancing at Sara with an expression that said he'd explain in the vehicle.  
  
"Oh." Greg replied a bit deflated. "Well, I'll see you guys later."  
  
"Later, Greggo." Nick grinned as he climbed into the driver seat of his Denali.  
  
As Sara climbed into the passenger seat and closed the door, she turned towards Nick. "Greg doesn't know, does he?"  
  
Nick shook his head. "No."  
  
Sara looked at him curiously. "Why?"  
  
Nick let out a deep breath. "Sara, the only people that know are the people that saw you on that roof. Grissom didn't think it was anyone else's business."  
  
"Oh." She sounded a little surprised. Somewhere in the back of her mind she had assumed that the entire lab knew what had happened. She hadn't really expected that someone that she worked so closely with wouldn't be filled in.  
  
"Do you want Greg to know?" Nick looked at her with a serious expression.  
  
Sara bit her lower lip. "I don't know."  
  
"Because none of us are saying anything unless you want us to." Nick tried to reassure her.  
  
A smile played at her lips as she turned towards him. "Thanks."  
  
He grinned. "No problem. Now what are you going to make for breakfast?"  
  
Her eyebrows shot up. "Me? Why do you think I'm going to cook?"  
  
He chuckled. "Well, you seem to know all the chefs on the Food Channel yourself; I just want to see if you learned anything." He dodged her hand as she swatted at him.  
  
"I already know how to cook. I grew up in a Bed and Breakfast. I could probably teach those chefs a thing or two." Sara barbed.  
  
"Put up or shut up, Sidle." Nick challenged with a smile.  
  
She narrowed her gaze and then started to laugh. "Fine, but I sure hope you aren't into low cholesterol."  
  
"Alright, sounds like my kind of food." He chuckled and turned the ignition on before heading out of the parking lot towards his house.


	19. Chapter 19

"I never knew you could make spinach taste like this." Nick had a huge grin on as his face as he took another bite out of the quiche Sara had made. "Did I actually have all of these ingredients in my kitchen?"

Sara just rolled her eyes and laughed at him. "It's not that hard, Nick, and yes you did have all of this in your kitchen."  
  
"Well it tastes amazing." He grinned again.  
  
A knock sounded at Nick's door.  
  
"You expecting someone?" Sara asked as she took another bite.  
  
Nick shook his head. "Nope." He put his fork down and scooted his chair back and walked over to the front door. He was a little surprised when he opened the door. "Hey, Greg."  
  
Sara felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.  
  
"Am I interrupting?" Greg looked at Nick curiously, but he looked like he had something on his mind.  
  
Nick shook his head. "No, we were just having breakfast. Have you eaten?"  
  
Greg shook his head.  
  
Nick chuckled. "You should try this quiche Sara made, it's awesome."  
  
"Sounds good." Greg forced a smile as he followed Nick into the house.  
  
Sara smiled at Greg as he rounded the corner. "Hey, Greg."  
  
Concern flickered across Greg's face when he saw her and immediately Sara knew that he knew something. "Sara."  
  
"What's up?" Sara tried to keep her tone light and glanced up as Nick returned to the table with another helping of quiche for Greg.  
  
"Sit down and stay awhile, man." Nick gestured toward an empty chair.  
  
Greg sat down and glanced at Sara, his brows knit together.  
  
"Is everything ok, Greg?" Nick looked at him with some concern.  
  
Greg took a deep breath and looked at Nick before he looked at Sara again. "I'm not sure how to say this, so I'll just say it." A sad expression crossed his face. "Did you try to kill yourself?"  
  
Neither Nick nor Sara said anything for a long moment and then Sara just nodded. Nick reached over and put his hand on Sara's arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. Nick looked at Greg with a serious expression. "Who told you?"  
  
Greg couldn't stop looking at Sara. "I overheard you guys talking in the locker room at the end of shift and I just started to put the pieces together."  
  
Sara felt emotion welling up in her throat as Greg talked. She could tell that he was upset, not because no one had told him, but because she'd tried to hurt herself. "I'm sorry, Greg."  
  
He looked at her a bit perplexed that she was apologizing. "Sara, I just wanted to make sure you were ok. You just haven't seemed like yourself lately."  
  
Sara glanced over at Nick and sniffled, he smiled at her encouragingly. "Do you want me to go in the other room, Sara?"  
  
She shook her head at Nick and then looked over at Greg. "I didn't know that you didn't know. I thought everyone knew."  
  
Greg just nodded. "So that's why you're staying with Nick?" He finally picked up his fork and cut into the quiche on his plate.  
  
"Yeah." Sara sniffled again and glanced over at Nick.  
  
Nick cleared his throat. "I'm sorry I lied to you, man. I didn't want to say anything unless it was ok with Sara."  
  
Greg finally smiled a real smile. "It's ok, I was just worried."  
  
Sara felt tears stinging her eyes as she sniffled again. "Hey, I'll be right back." She felt like she'd shed too many tears over the last couple of days and the last thing she wanted to do was loose it yet again. She pushed her chair back and walked quickly down the hallway towards the guest room, wiping at her tears which were now falling freely.  
  
As she closed the door behind her, Greg looked over at Nick with his brow furrowed. "Is she ok?"  
  
"She will be." Nick smiled at his friend. "She's just getting a little tired of people asking her if she's ok."  
  
Greg let out a wry laugh. "Yeah, I know how that is."  
  
Nick gestured towards the direction that Sara had disappeared. "Don't go anywhere; I'm just gonna go talk to her."  
  
Greg nodded as Nick got up from the table and walked down the hallway. Nick tapped softly on the bedroom door. "Hey, Sar." He gently opened the door and walked into the room.  
  
She glanced up at him from where she sat on the bed, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "Hey, I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't apologize." He smiled at her softly as she stood up and walked over towards him. Nick pulled her into a hug and closed his eyes for a moment as he felt her slide her arms around his waist and lean into his hug. "You gonna be ok?"  
  
"Yeah." Her voice was almost a whisper. "I just feel bad that Greg didn't know. He looked so hurt."  
  
"He was just worried about you." Nick rested his chin on top of her head.  
  
"I'm tired of people worrying about me." She let out a frustrated sigh. "I mean it's bad enough that you're being forced to practically baby sit me."  
  
Nick pulled away. "Hey, I'm not baby sitting you. I like spending time with you. If I didn't want you to be here, I would have suggested that you stay with Catherine." He smirked at her.  
  
Sara smirked back. "Well, no offense to Catherine, but I'm not sure I could handle the twenty-four hour a day mothering."  
  
Nick chuckled. "You want to go back out and see if Greg's still here?"  
  
She wiped at her eyes one last time and nodded with a smile. "Yeah."  
  
Greg glanced up and smiled as Nick and Sara emerged from the guest room. "Sara, Nick was right, this quiche is amazing."  
  
"Thanks, Greg." She smiled genuinely. "You think you might be up for sticking around to watch a movie with us?"  
  
Greg glanced at Nick for a moment and then nodded. "Sure."  
  
Sara glanced over at Nick. "What do you have that'll make me laugh? I think we could all use a good laugh."  
  
"You guys grab the couch; I'll take care of the movie from my vast collection of side splitting choices." Nick quipped as he grinned at Sara.  
  
Greg was smiling as he got up from the table. As he and Sara settled themselves on Nick's couch he turned towards Sara. "I'm here for you. I hope you know that." His expression was earnest.  
  
Sara gave him a quick hug and smiled. "Thanks."  
  
Nick joined them a few moments later, settling himself on the other side of Sara and grinned. "Ok, I hope you're ready to laugh, because this is the funniest movie I've ever seen."


	20. Chapter 20

"Are you sure you aren't wearing steel toed shoes?" Nick looked over at Sara as he drove towards Dr. Colby's office for her appointment.

She rolled her eyes. "Ok, so I've never really danced much before."  
  
Nick chuckled. "Really?"  
  
She furrowed her brow. "How is your toe anyway?"  
  
"It'll be fine in a couple of days." Nick teased.  
  
She laughed, rolling her eyes at him and then looked over at him with a soft smile. "Thanks for going with me. We don't have to go back if you don't want to."  
  
Nick smiled at her. "Hey, it wasn't that bad."  
  
Sara laughed. "You are a terrible liar."  
  
He chuckled. "Ok, so swing dancing was pretty much a bust. Can we agree on that?"  
  
She nodded. "Yeah." They were almost to Dr. Colby's office and Sara was starting to feel nervous. She looked out the window and bit her lower lip.  
  
"Hey, Sara." Nick noticed that she'd fallen silent and that she looked worried.  
  
She glanced over. "Huh?"  
  
He smiled. "I'm going to be in there with you the whole time. It's gonna be ok."  
  
She closed her eyes, letting out a deep breath as a smile spread slowly across her face. "Thanks." She opened her eyes. "I'm really glad you're going with me. I don't think I could do this alone."  
  
Nick reached over and gave her hand a squeeze. "That's what friends are for."  
  
"You're a good one." She smiled sincerely. "I'm really lucky to have you for a friend."  
  
Nick tried to fight the pang of guilt that flooded him at that moment. He really didn't feel like he'd been a good friend, but as she had said before, the past was in the past and they couldn't change that. All he could do now was to be the best friend to her that he possibly could. He smiled in return. "I'm lucky to have you for a friend too."  
  
As they pulled into the parking lot of Dr. Colby's office, Nick glanced over at Sara. "You can do this."  
  
She smiled at him, glad that he knew just how difficult this was for her, glad that it was Nick that was going with her. She didn't think anyone else she knew would just be themselves with her the way he had been in the midst of everything that had happened. She also knew that this had to be tough on him. If it had been the other way around, she was sure that she might be falling apart after trying to pull a good friend off of that railing. "Thanks."  
  
They made their way into the waiting room, and as they sat there, Sara started to fidget nervously. Nick reached over and took her hand, holding it securely and smiling at her.  
  
She glanced at him and let out a deep breath. "Sorry."  
  
He shook his head. "No need. I know how nerve wracking this can be."  
  
She squeezed his hand. "I know I keep saying this, but thank you."  
  
The receptionist interrupted their conversation. "Dr. Colby will see you now." She smiled at Sara, trying to put her at ease.  
  
"Thanks, Trina." Nick smiled and stood up, pulling Sara with him as he continued to hold her hand. He turned his attention to her. "Just remember, I'll be with you the whole time, but if you decide you don't want me in there, I'll just come out here and wait for you."  
  
Sara nodded, doubting that she'd ask him to leave, especially after how badly the appointment with Dr. Fonnesbeck had gone. "Ok, let's do it."  
  
As they entered Dr. Colby's office, Sara glanced around at the décor. The muted colors and warm wood tones along with the soft leather furniture created a warm relaxed atmosphere and as she took in Dr. Colby's appearance and demeanor, his relaxed manner immediately put her at ease.  
  
Nick let go of Sara's hand and reached out to shake Dr. Colby's hand. "Hey, Doc, this is my friend Sara."  
  
Dr. Colby had a smattering of gray in his dark brown hair and his build indicated that he had probably played football at some point in his life. He smiled warmly at Sara. "Sara, I'm Richard Colby. You can call me Doc, or whatever makes you comfortable."  
  
Sara shook his hand and smiled tentatively. "Hi."  
  
"You guys want to have a seat?" He gestured towards an overstuffed leather sofa next to an overstuffed leather chair and ottoman. His office seemed more to Sara like someone's living room than a doctor's office.  
  
Sara sat ramrod straight with her hands clasped together in her lap. She glanced over at Nick with her brow furrowed. He simply smiled at her encouragingly. She looked back at Dr. Colby. "Uh, I don't really want to be here."  
  
Dr. Colby laughed. "No one really does." He smiled at Sara. "What can I do to make you feel more at ease?"  
  
Sara's brow furrowed in thought. "I'm not really sure."  
  
"Well why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself and if you have any questions about me, feel free to ask." He leaned forward, elbows on his knees with an expectant expression.  
  
Sara felt panic in the pit of her stomach. She glanced over at Nick and bit her lower lip.  
  
Nick reached over and took her hand. "You want me to give him a little background of why you're here?"  
  
Sara just nodded. "Would you?" The thought of telling anyone what had happened over the last couple of days was a bit overwhelming. Maybe once Dr. Colby had an idea why she was there it would be a little easier to talk to him.  
  
Nick nodded and squeezed her hand. He turned to Dr. Colby and gave a basic outline of what had happened with Sara's DUI and then her subsequent suicide attempt, as well as the conditions of her being able to stay on the job and the fact that she was currently staying with him.  
  
Dr. Colby nodded and smiled at Sara. "Sounds like you've been trying to do it all. It's not easy is it?"  
  
Sara shook her head. "No it's not."  
  
Dr. Colby looked at her with a gentle expression. "Sara, what do you do in your spare time?"  
  
Sara glanced at Nick and raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
He raised his hands and let out a chuckle. "Hey, I didn't say a word, you were sitting right here."  
  
She smirked at him and turned back to Dr. Colby. "I listen to police scanners and read forensic journals."  
  
Before Dr. Colby could respond, Nick interjected. "You paint your nails too."  
  
Sara rolled her eyes and then looked right at Dr. Colby. "People have been telling me as long as I've worked as a CSI that I need to get out more and I need to find an interest outside of law enforcement or I'll burn out. I guess I burnt out."  
  
Dr. Colby shook his head and smiled. "You're here sitting across from me, I don't think you've burnt out yet, but I think that the drinking and your suicide attempt are cries for help. I think you wanted to find something outside of your job, but you weren't sure how."  
  
Sara nodded as she thought about his words.  
  
As the session continued, Sara felt more at ease than she thought she possibly could, and it ended before she realized that an hour had gone by. She left with an assignment to continue trying to find an activity outside of work that she enjoyed and to write down a list of things that she found overwhelming about her life.  
  
As she and Nick approached his Denali, Sara turned to face him. She smiled and reached over to hug him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for doing this with me."  
  
He returned the hug and held her close for a moment, smiling at how well things seemed to have gone with Dr. Colby. "Anytime."


	21. Chapter 21

"Grissom." Sara called out from the doorway of his office where she'd paused on her way to the break room before shift.  
  
He glanced up and gestured for her to come in. He looked at her expectantly as she closed the door behind her and took a seat in the chair in front of his desk.  
  
She smiled nervously. "I just had my first session with the psychologist Nick recommended."  
  
Grissom arched his eyebrows and smiled. "How did it go?"  
  
"Good." Sara looked at him earnestly. "I just wanted you to know that."  
  
"Sara, I'm glad you found someone that you can talk to." He offered leaning back a bit in his chair.  
  
Sara was quiet for a moment and then she looked Grissom in the eye. "How long do I have to do this?"  
  
Grissom exhaled through his nose, leaned forward and rested his elbows on his desk. "By 'this' exactly what do you mean?"  
  
She furrowed her brow in thought before she answered. "I just want things back to normal."  
  
He nodded in understanding. "Sara, I know this can't be easy for you. You're just going to have to keep doing what you're doing. It's only been a few days."  
  
Sara clenched her jaw, but nodded in understanding. "I know, but I feel like I've got someone watching me all the time."  
  
Grissom arched his eyebrow in concern. "Is everything ok at Nick's?"  
  
"That's not what I meant, but yes, everything is ok staying at Nick's. I just want to be able to do my job without people looking at me like I'm going to snap any second." She sounded frustrated.  
  
Grissom's lips twitched into a half smile. "I'm sorry if we all seem a bit overprotective."  
  
In spite of herself, Sara smiled. "I just want to do my job, Grissom."  
  
"Be patient, Sara. We all want you to do your job too." He studied her for a moment. "But we also want you to have a life, a long life." He gave her a pointed stare to emphasize his point.  
  
She nodded; a soft smile on her face.  
  
Grissom let out a deep sigh. "I'll leave it to you and your doctor to determine what steps you need to take in your personal life, but for the time being, I still don't want you working solo and I'm not inclined to return your weapon to you."  
  
Sara knew he was right, but she still didn't like it. A few days of everyone's concern was beginning to grate on her nerves. She almost wished that no one had known what had happened, it would have made things easier, but then again, she knew that her life was not working the way she was doing things before. Something had to change, and as difficult as the road ahead looked, she knew that talking about what had happened and making changes to her life was the best thing. She wanted to be happy again, and she hadn't been in a long time.  
  
Grissom looked at her over the rim of his glasses and stood up, gesturing towards the door. "We've got assignments."  
  
Sara nodded and followed Grissom as he headed to the break room. As she entered she walked over to get herself a cup of coffee. Catherine was seated at the table and Warrick was sitting on the couch looking at the sports page.  
  
Grissom looked at them quizzically. "Where's Nick?"  
  
Warrick glanced up. "Checking with Robbins about the tox screen on the vic from the senior prom."  
  
Just then, Nick walked in, his brow furrowed as he studied the report in his hand.  
  
Sara set her cup of coffee down on the counter. "Anything?"  
  
"Huh?" Nick glanced up and then nodded. "Uh, yeah, actually. It looks like someone spiked her drink with Ecstasy."  
  
"We have the how. Now we need the who." Sara commented.  
  
Amusement flickered across Catherine's face as she regarded Nick. "Uh, so how were dancing lessons you two?"  
  
Nick glanced over at Sara for a moment and then at Catherine, smiling. "In the interest of Sara's toes, we'll be looking for some other activity."  
  
Sara looked at him curiously for a moment and then smiled, letting out a soft chuckle.  
  
Warrick glanced over at Nick, studying him for a moment before commenting dryly. "I always thought you looked like you had two left feet."  
  
"Thanks for the vote of confidence man." Nick barbed back good naturedly.  
  
"Ok, we've got assignments. Nick and Sara, I want you to follow up with your case, keep me informed and let me know if you need any help. Greg is available if you need him." Grissom turned his attention Catherine and Warrick. "The two of you are with me. Brass is waiting at the scene." His expression brightened. "We've got blowflies."  
  
Catherine rolled her eyes as she stood. "Great. I've got a new blouse and a decomp. Thanks, Grissom."  
  
Warrick chuckled and stood up, glancing over at Nick and Sara. "See you later."  
  
Nick leaned against the counter next to Sara and glanced over at her as the other three CSIs left the room. "Did you talk to Grissom?"  
  
She nodded, furrowing her brow. "I don't know why I thought this was going to be a quick process."  
  
He chuckled and nudged her with his elbow. "Hey, hang in there. At least you don't have to live with me forever."  
  
She smirked. "Are you trying to kick me out?"  
  
He grinned at her and slung his arm over her shoulder. "Not at all. You can stay as long as you need to." He chuckled softly. "Of course, if you're still around at the end of the month I might have to start charging you rent."  
  
She elbowed him. "Hey, c'mon we've got to figure out who had access to our vic's drink at the dance."  
  
"PD has a list of people they've interviewed and who was closest to her." Nick shifted easily into work mode.  
  
Sara glanced over and him and smiled. "By the way, you didn't have to tell everyone that you stepped on my toes. I'll be the first to admit that I can't dance."  
  
He chuckled as he pushed himself away from the counter. "Maybe you just need to try a different kind of dancing." He winked.  
  
She rolled her eyes. "How many people did PD interview?"  
  
"Last count?" Nick chuckled. "294."  
  
A mischievous expression crossed Sara's face. "Didn't Grissom say we could use Greg?"  
  
Nick started to laugh as he headed for the break room door.  
  
"I think this is just the kind of thing we should use him for. Someone has to start reading through all of those." Sara concluded as she followed Nick out into the hallway. 


	22. Chapter 22

Nick looked at Sara quizzically as he turned the ignition of his Denali on to drive home after shift. "What? Do I have something on my face?"

Sara shook her head as an expression that Nick could only describe as girlish crossed her face. "No. I just wanted to ask you something."  
  
"Ok." The last time Nick had seen that expression on her face, she'd asked him for cotton balls so she could remove the polish from her toenails.  
  
She looked like she was gathering her breath. "Do you think you could drop me off at your house and go to the store by yourself because I was thinking that maybe if it was ok with you that I could use the soaker tub in your bathroom and take a long bath and then that way by the time you got back from the store I would be done and I wouldn't be invading your personal space."  
  
Nick looked at her for a moment still trying to process her words.  
  
Sara bit her lower lip waiting for him to say something.  
  
He let out a soft chuckle. "Yes, I can drop you off at the house. Yes, you can use the tub in my bathroom, and you can take as long as you want, you don't have to be out of there by the time I get home." He smiled at her. "And as for the grocery store, if there's anything in particular you want, you'd better write it down because I'm not going to guarantee that I'll remember it." He raised an eyebrow at her. "Although, I should draw the line at tampons, unless of course it's an emergency." There was a definite teasing tone in his voice.  
  
Sara couldn't help but laugh at him and just glanced out the window. "Thanks."  
  
"No problem." He grinned and pulled the vehicle out of the parking lot and threaded it into traffic. It didn't take long to get to his house and as he pulled up along the curb, he glanced over at Sara. "Uh, did you want me to pick you up anything in particular?"  
  
She smirked at him and then her expression softened into a smile. "I can't think of anything really, although I think you're running low on pints of ice cream. You might want to get some of that."  
  
He grabbed a pen from the console and a piece of paper. "Ok, then. Sixteen pints of cookie dough ice cream." He glanced up. "Anything else?"  
  
She swatted at him. "Freak."  
  
He flashed her a grin. "And proud of it. Now go take a bath, I'll see you later."  
  
Sara descended from the SUV and made her way up to the front door, glancing back at Nick and smiling to herself that he was waiting until she was inside the house before he left. As much as she found it strange in this day in age, she also found it endearing that he did little things like that for people to make them feel safe and cared for. She shut the door behind her and set her keys on the kitchen counter. She smiled at the thought of soaking in that tub. Her apartment was no frills and with her long legs it was impossible to submerge her entire body in the shallow tub. Nick, however, being a home owner had done some upgrades since he'd moved in, and since she had found out he had a soaker tub, she'd been jealous.  
  
She went to the guest room and gathered her things before making her way into his bathroom. Despite the fact that it was ok with him that she use it, she still felt like she was invading his personal space as she turned the water on and poured in a capful of bubble bath.  
  
Once the tub was full enough, she shed her clothes and climbed in, luxuriating in the warmth as it enveloped her body. She knew she'd been in there a long time, how long she wasn't sure, but when she heard the front door open, she decided that she'd been in there long enough. She climbed out of the tub, dried herself off and put her pajamas on while the tub drained.  
  
When she emerged, she padded down the hallway in search of Nick who for some reason had just let out a string of choice curse words. When she found him in the kitchen, he had a hand behind his back and a wide grin on his face. "Hey, Sar."  
  
She tilted her head at him suspiciously. "Hey."  
  
He grinned even wider, although it looked a bit like he was gritting his teeth. "I got you something at the store."  
  
She folded her arms in front of herself and pursed her lips, looking at him curiously. "What?"  
  
He continued to grin and pulled his hand out from behind his back to reveal a ball of dark gray fur. "A kitty."  
  
Sara wasn't sure what to say. She just looked at Nick with disbelief and then looked at the kitten who at the moment had a death grip on Nick's hand with his claws. "He's so little."  
  
"I named him." Nick smirked as Sara took the kitten from his hand.  
  
She glanced up at him quizzically. "You named him."  
  
Nick raised a single eyebrow. "Harley." He extended his hand out to show a few claw and teeth marks. "I thought it was appropriate because he's a little Hell's Angel."  
  
Sara pet the kitten who was now purring and looked at Nick again. "Why did you get me a kitten?" She wasn't against the idea, but she was never home and didn't think it was fair to have a pet with the hours she kept, but as Nick spoke, she knew he was right.  
  
"Well, since I know you won't be living here forever, I thought you might need a roommate to keep you company." Nick looked at her and smiled. "Do you like him?"  
  
Sara nodded, blinking back tears at Nick's gesture. She had been dreading going back to her apartment by herself. She knew she couldn't stay with Nick indefinitely, and maybe having this little ball of fluff around would help her to focus on something other than herself and her problems.  
  
Nick pulled her into a hug and squished the kitten a bit in the process.  
  
"Mrowrl!" Harley let his presence be known.  
  
"Sorry, little guy." Nick let go of Sara and patted the kitten on his head.  
  
Sara furrowed her brow for a moment. "Uh, did you happen to get him a litter box and food?"  
  
Nick gave her a perplexed expression for a moment and then started laughing as he saw panic flash across her face. "Gotcha. Don't worry; I've got it all taken care of. Harley there is set up in the laundry room. I even got him high protein kitten food and a couple of toys."  
  
Sara walked over to the laundry room and tried to restrain her smile as she noticed that not only had Nick gotten a litter box and food, he'd bought a football shaped cat bed, a scratching post, matching food and water dishes, and a wide assortment of toys. Sara set the kitten down and giggled as she watched his paws slide on the linoleum on his way to the food dish. She glanced over at Nick who seemed to be utterly delighted that she liked the surprise. She raised her eyebrow at him curiously. "Did you even go to the grocery store?"  
  
He looked at her a bit sheepish. "Uh, well, I saw him out front and decided that maybe we could go tomorrow. Harley helped me pick out all of his stuff at the Petco next to the grocery store."  
  
Sara couldn't help but giggle and walked over towards Nick, leaning up and kissing him on the cheek, smirking as she pulled away. "You are such a little boy sometimes."  
  
He grinned at her. "And you are quite the girl."


	23. Chapter 23

"You may regret getting me that cat." Sara quipped as she watched Nick pull Harley off of the curtains in his living room.

He smirked. "I told you he was a little Hell's Angel."  
  
Sara laughed as Nick put Harley on the floor and the kitten took off at breakneck speed, taking a tumble as he turned a corner and then getting up and licking himself; acting as if nothing had happened. "Ok, as much as you love 'Zoolander'." She smirked. "Which by the way is not as funny as you think it is." She pointed at Harley. "He is funnier."  
  
"Hey, what do you mean it's not that funny?" He feigned a hurt expression as he sat down next to her on the couch. "That movie is damn funny."  
  
Sara rolled her eyes. "No, it's not. Even Greg didn't find it as funny as you did."  
  
"But you both laughed." Nick looked at her with a furrowed brow.  
  
She pursed her lips together in an effort to keep from laughing. "We were laughing at you."  
  
Nick puffed out his chest a little and crossed his arms in front of himself. "It's ok. I can handle it."  
  
Sara couldn't hold back her laughter. "You are such a baby."  
  
He grinned at her and chuckled. "I'm going to go figure out where little Mr. Wheels went." He whispered to her conspiratorially. "He's a little too quiet." Nick pulled himself off of the couch and went in search of Harley.  
  
Sara shook her head in amusement and pulled herself off of the couch to go get a glass of water from the kitchen. She was halfway there when there was a knock at the door.  
  
Nick called out from somewhere down the hall. "Sara, can you answer that? I'm trying to pry your cat off of the shower curtain."  
  
"Sure." She called back, making her way to the front door. When she opened the door a very surprised looking blond women stood before her looking as if Sara was the last person she expected to see. Sara resisted the urge to smirk. "Can I help you?"  
  
The woman arched her eyebrows as she regarded Sara's pajamas and then glanced at the house number before furrowing her brow. "I was looking for Nick."  
  
Sara smiled, hoping it looked more natural than amused. "Just a second." Sara glanced over her shoulder to see Nick with Harley firmly in his grasp walking towards her with a quizzical expression. Sara couldn't hold back her amusement as she smiled at him. "Uh, Nick, there's someone here to see you."  
  
Nick smiled at her in return as he came to the door. He winced as he tried to pull Harley, who had his claws dug into his flesh, off of his hand. He smiled at Sara as he tried to hand her the kitten. "You might want to consider getting him declawed at some point."  
  
She smirked. "I told you that you were going to regret getting him for me." She took Harley from his hand and glanced back at the woman at the door for a moment before looking at Nick. "I'll just leave you two alone." She cuddled Harley in her arms as she walked back over to the couch and plopped down, petting the now purring kitten.  
  
Nick turned his attention back to the door and the now annoyed looking woman. "Uh, Lauren, what are you doing here?"  
  
"So this is what you meant by taking a break." Lauren didn't sound too happy.  
  
"A break." Nick's tone was even and controlled, even though Sara could tell from where she was sitting that he was not very happy that this particular woman was at his door.  
  
"And you go and move in with the first thing that comes along." The tone of Lauren's voice was pitching upwards. Sara only wished that she could see her face.  
  
"Uh, I don't think you understand." Nick took a deep breath and tried to keep his tone controlled. "I broke up with you. As in we are not dating. There was no 'taking a break' as you put it."  
  
"But I thought." There was a hitch in Lauren's voice.  
  
"I haven't even seen you in nine or ten months." Nick sounded incredulous.  
  
"It hasn't been that long." Lauren protested.  
  
Nick let out a bitter chuckle. "Oh, yes it has. It's hard to forget when you find out someone's cheating on you."  
  
Suddenly, Sara felt like she was truly invading Nick's privacy. She took Harley and headed down the hallway into the guest room, shutting the door behind her so that Nick could continue his conversation in private. She hadn't been in there more than a few minutes when she heard a soft tap at the door.  
  
"Sara?" Nick called out.  
  
"Yeah?" She lay on the bed stroking Harley's fur.  
  
Nick opened the door. "Sorry about that." He gestured behind him.  
  
She smiled. "Hey, it's ok. I just felt like I shouldn't be listening in."  
  
Nick smiled at her. "She apparently didn't understand the definition of breaking up."  
  
Sara gave him an apologetic expression. "I'm sorry she cheated on you. No one deserves that." Her own thoughts went to her experience with Hank and she silently wondered if his girlfriend ever learned that he'd been unfaithful to her.  
  
Nick watched her expression and knew what she was thinking. "No, you're right. No one deserves that." He smiled again. "Hey, what do you say we pop in a movie and order some pizza?"  
  
Sara wrinkled her nose. "You are not picking out the movie."  
  
He laughed at her. "Don't push your luck, Sidle."  
  
She grabbed the pillow off the bed and threw it at him.  
  
He ducked as it hit the wall, and then raised an eyebrow as he teased her. "You throw like a girl."  
  
She smirked as she stood up, leaving Harley sleeping on the bed. "Good."  
  
After Nick had ordered the pizza he settled himself on the couch as Sara sat on the floor and looked through his DVD collection. "Find anything you want to watch yet?"  
  
She tried to keep the amused expression off of her face without any luck as she held up one particular movie. "How did I know you'd have a copy of this movie?"  
  
He raised an eyebrow at her in challenge. "And just what are you implying, Sara?"  
  
She feigned innocence. "Oh, nothing. I just find it ironic, that's all."  
  
"It's a classic Hitchcock film." He defended smiling at her. "Perhaps you've heard of him."  
  
"Oh, I know who Alfred Hitchcock is." She smirked at him, her eyes twinkling in amusement. "I just think it's funny that you've got this particular movie."  
  
"It has nothing to do with the Discovery Channel." He knew what she was getting at.  
  
"Maybe not, but I still find it interesting." She smiled mischievously.  
  
Nick's eyebrows curved upward. "Are you suggesting that we watch it?"  
  
"We could." She pursed her lips together momentarily trying to remain serious before she started to laugh. "I cannot believe you have a copy of 'The Birds'."  
  
Nick chuckled at her. "It's not even that good." He pointed at the rack of DVDs. "If you look up on the second shelf there's a movie that's even better. It's a spoof on 'The Birds' called 'Attack of the Killer Tomatoes'."  
  
Sara's eyebrows shot up. "You have that? How did I miss it?" She glanced up and began to search the titles, finally pulling the case out and holding it up in victory. "I've heard about this movie, but I've never seen it." She grinned.  
  
Nick laughed, grinning at her. "Alright then, it's settled. 'Attack of the Killer Tomatoes' it is."


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note:** Yes, 'Attack of the Killer Tomatoes' is a real movie. Sort of a cult classic and is actually a spoof of Alfred Hitchcock's 'The Birds'. Its availability on DVD, however, is really a mystery to me.

* * *

Images flashed through Sara's mind as she fell into a restless sleep, images of the victims of the cases that had bothered her the most, images of grisly crime scenes, images of her suicide attempt, images of the disappointment on the faces of her coworkers, and perhaps most strangely disturbing to her of all, images of rabid vegetables singing off key. She tossed and turned in a futile effort to shake the images from her mind. Somewhere in her sleepy struggle, she tangled her legs in the sheets, and then as she emitted a disturbed moan, she felt something sharp pinch her nose.  
  
She sat bolt upright in bed and let out a blood curdling scream. As she sat there panting, trying to catch her breath, she realized that she'd scared Harley nearly out of his fur and that the sharp pinch she had felt was him biting her nose.  
  
The door to the guest room burst open as a sleepy and disheveled Nick rushed in with his gun drawn.  
  
Sara screamed again and dove back down, hiding her face in the pillow.  
  
As Nick realized that there was no danger, he set the gun down on the desk just inside the door, and moved over to sit next to where Sara lay on the bed. "Are you ok? The way you were screaming I thought for sure someone was attacking you." His voice was slightly panicked, but soft and soothing and he reached out and stroked her hair.  
  
Sara turned to look at him and from the soft light filtering in through the blinds she could tell that he was worried about her. "I had a nightmare." She reached over to where Harley was tentatively crawling up the blanket. "And then Harley bit my nose, which is why I screamed." She narrowed her gaze at Nick. "And then you scared the shit out of me by going S.W.A.T."  
  
He raised a single eyebrow. "Do you need clean sheets?" There was a definite smirk on his face and that coupled with his hair sticking up in every direction and the fact that he was clad only in a pair of plaid boxers emblazoned with the images of Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, he looked rather humorous.  
  
Sara swatted at him. "Not funny." In spite of herself, she was smiling.  
  
His expression turned serious again. "You want to talk about it?"  
  
She furrowed her brow, hugging her pillow closer as Nick continued stroking her hair. "It was weird." She shot him an accusatory glance. "Now I've got vegetables singing off key in my nightmares."  
  
Nick winced as he let out a soft chuckle. "Sorry. I didn't think that 'Attack of the Killer Tomatoes' would have that kind of effect."  
  
She feigned a pout. "It's not your fault." She let out a deep sigh. "I just wish I could stop thinking sometimes." She looked at Nick earnestly. "Do you ever get to where you feel like your brain is full, and if you have to cram one more thing in there you'll go crazy?"  
  
He continued stroking her hair. "Sometimes. But I've had to learn how to leave work at work. I think that's why it's important to have interests outside of work."  
  
She let out a frustrated sigh. "And then there's that again."  
  
"Hey, no one said this was going to be easy." He chided her gently. "And remember, Sara, you're not alone. I'm here for you every step of the way. Ok?"  
  
"Yeah." She breathed out heavily. "This isn't fair to you, Nick." She started to pet Harley who she had finally coaxed back within her reach after she scared him.  
  
"Don't worry about me." Nick's brow furrowed.  
  
She looked him in the eye. "Can you honestly tell me that having me here isn't going to put a damper on your social life?"  
  
He let out a chuckle. "I don't really care." He smiled at her. "I care about you, and you're what's important right now. Besides, lately the only women that seem to be attracted to me are a little too much like Lauren." He had a bit of a smirk on his face.  
  
Sara smiled at him a bit sadly. "She really hurt you, didn't she?"  
  
Nick shrugged. "I guess she did. It was months ago though."  
  
"It's not easy to trust someone after you've been hurt like that." Sara seemed like she was talking about Hank as much as she was talking about what Lauren had done to Nick.  
  
Nick furrowed his brow. "No it's not." He looked at her thoughtfully. "I should have said something to you about Hank. I had a bad feeling about that guy."  
  
She chuckled softly. "Well if you had run Lauren past me I could have told you that she was a bad idea."  
  
Nick looked at her a little amused. "Oh, really?"  
  
She smiled. "Yeah, the attitude alone was a dead giveaway."  
  
"Attitude?" Nick chuckled. "I guess she did have an attitude, didn't she? And come to think of it, she might have asked me what kind of car I drive."  
  
Sara smirked. "She certainly had some nerve showing up on your doorstep like that."  
  
Nick tucked her hair behind her ear. "She got the wrong idea about you. She assumed that we were living together."  
  
She looked a little smug. "Technically we are, but not the way her glare of death was implying."  
  
Nick felt a slight pang of longing for a moment and then furrowed his brow as he tried to reason it away. "In any case, I'm sure she won't be around again. I think the fact that you were in your pajamas and the fact that you mentioned that I gave you Harley sort of sealed the deal." He rested his hand on her shoulder. "I suppose I should thank you for that."  
  
"Anytime." She smiled and let out a yawn. "You can use me to break up with all of your girlfriends."  
  
He laughed. "I'll remember that." He gave her a meaningful glance. "And if you ever need me to beat some sense into some guy for you, let me know."  
  
She laughed. "I'll remember that the next time I'm dumb enough to fall for someone. I think I've had my fair share of one sided attraction."  
  
"Grissom was an idiot you know." He squeezed her shoulder. "You're a great catch."  
  
She rolled her eyes and quipped. "Yeah, well he wasn't even playing the game." She glanced down at Harley and noticed that the kitten was taking care of business. "Oh, shit! Harley!"  
  
Nick took one whiff and wrinkled his nose. "I'll put him in the laundry room." He scooped up the kitten, which by this time had finished, and headed straight for the laundry room and plopped him in the litter box. "Hey, bud; this is where you're supposed to do that." He raised his eyebrow to emphasize his point, but then realized as the feline jumped out of the litter box and climbed up the scratching post that he couldn't understand him anyway.  
  
As he closed Harley in the laundry room, he turned around to find Sara dragging the bedding from her bed. "I think I am going to need clean sheets after all." 


	25. Chapter 25

"Nick, seriously, this is fine." Sara insisted as she took the sleeping bag from him. He had spent ten minutes going through his linen closet before realizing that all of his sheets were sitting in the laundry room waiting to be washed.  
  
"You could just take my bed and I could sleep in here." He offered sheepishly. If he hadn't gotten her the cat, she wouldn't have needed the clean sheets in the first place.  
  
She raised an eyebrow. "I am not taking your bed. This is fine. Thank you."  
  
"Ok, but that's been up in the hall closet for a while, it probably smells musty." He was giving her one last opportunity to take him up on his offer.  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Nick, this is fine. Now go to bed." She motioned towards his bedroom door with one hand as she held onto the sleeping bag with the other.  
  
"Ok." He flashed a lopsided grin and turned to go back to bed, stopping at the door and glancing at her as she disappeared into the guest room. He closed his door behind him and crawled back into bed, punching his pillow a couple of times and tucking it under his head. Less than five minutes later there was a soft tap on his door.  
  
"Nick?" Sara's voice was soft.  
  
Nick's brow furrowed as he sat up in bed. "What's wrong? There wasn't a spider in the sleeping bag was there? Do you need me to kill something for you?"  
  
Sara tried to restrain a chuckle. "You left your gun in my room."  
  
"Oh. Ok." He got out of bed and walked over to where she stood, holding the gun out to him. He took the gun from her and leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Thanks."  
  
"And don't worry; if I find a spider, I think I can handle it. I don't need you going S.W.A.T. on me again, as charming as that was." She couldn't hide her amused smile.  
  
"I'm glad you thought so." He unconsciously puffed his chest out a little.  
  
She let out a laugh. "Go to sleep." She shoved him softly and then turned and walked across the hall to the guest room.  
  
Nick stood there for a moment just watching her and thinking about what a remarkable woman she was. He shook himself out of his reverie and closed the bedroom door, putting the gun in the top drawer of his dresser before padding back towards the bed and climbing in. He lay there for a while, his thoughts wandering a bit about all that had happened and for some reason all the strength that he'd shown to everyone else over the last week just fell apart as he realized how close they all came to losing Sara. His throat began to constrict and he choked out a sob. He had been affected by the situation far more than he'd thought and he realized that having her stay with him was as much about him needing to know she was ok as it was about her need to not be alone. Another sob choked its way out and he felt unbidden tears stinging his eyes. Uncontrollable sobs began to wrack his body and he tried to muffle them with his pillow so that Sara wouldn't hear him. The last thing he wanted was to be a burden to someone who needed him to be strong.  
  
A few minutes later, there was a soft tap at his door again as Sara opened it. Her voice was thickly laced with concern. "Nick?"  
  
He didn't respond as he hugged the pillow tighter. He didn't know what to say and he couldn't stop crying either.  
  
She made her way over to the bed and slowly sat down on it next to him, reaching over and stroking his hair much the same as he had done to hers.  
  
It seemed to make him cry all the harder. Nick didn't really tout himself as a macho man, but he really didn't like to cry in front of people either. He couldn't explain to himself why he was crying and certainly couldn't explain it to Sara either, except he was just so damn thankful that she was alive.  
  
She continued stroking his hair as she made shushing noises.  
  
As his sobs tapered off he choked out words without thinking. "I was so scared, Sara."  
  
She furrowed her brow and trailed her fingers along his forehead. "What scared you, Nick?" She wasn't sure what was going on with her dear friend who just a short time ago was smiling and laughing with her.  
  
His voice broke as he spoke and he sat up and reached out for her. "Sara."  
  
She let him pull her against him, resting her face in the crook of his neck as he held onto her for what seemed like dear life.  
  
"Oh, Sara, I was so scared. I could have lost you. I don't think I could have lived with myself if something had happened to you." The emotion in his voice was thick.  
  
She held onto him trying to reassure him with her voice as he held onto her. "I'm ok, Nick. I'm here. Everything is going to be ok."  
  
He didn't say anything for a few minutes as he just kept holding onto Sara, as much for comfort as to reassure himself that she really was ok, that she would be ok. He hadn't expected that he would be so affected by all that had happened.  
  
"I'm so sorry." He pulled away and tried to smile. "I didn't mean to wake you up."  
  
She reached over and touched his face, wiping the traces of tears away. "You didn't wake me up."  
  
"That sleeping bag sucks, doesn't it?" He tried to lighten the moment with a joke.  
  
Sara smiled. "It is pretty nasty."  
  
He sniffled and let out a chuckle. "I told you. We can still trade you know."  
  
She nudged him. "Scoot over, I think I'll keep you company for a while. You look like you could use a friend."  
  
He smiled at her as he scooted over and lifted up the covers. "Are you hitting on me, Sidle?" His tone was full of teasing, but he was thankful for her discernment that he didn't want to be alone.  
  
She scoffed at him as she lay against him, resting her head on his shoulder. "And what if I were?" She laughed. "You wouldn't know what to do."  
  
He put his arms around her and chuckled softly. "Don't be so sure."  
  
"Oh, so now you're hitting on me." She scoffed again.  
  
He laughed again and shot her words back at her. "And what if I were?" He held her a little closer. "You wouldn't know what to do."  
  
She smiled and closed her eyes whispering under her breath. "Don't be so sure." 


	26. Chapter 26

Nick began to stir and his hand unconsciously reached for Sara; his eyes fluttering open as he realized she wasn't there. The same pang that he'd felt earlier hit him again and he furrowed his brow as confusion over what he was feeling hit him. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh. He did not want to deal with this, not now when Sara's world had fallen apart and she needed him to be her friend and help pick up the pieces. He set his jaw and threw the covers back, deciding he'd better get up.  
  
He padded out into the living room, letting out a yawn and running his fingers through his hair as he noticed Sara sitting on the couch with Harley in her lap. He smiled at her. "Hey."  
  
She glanced up and smiled back. "Hey." She turned her attention back to Harley. "I called a vet to schedule an appointment to get Harley his shots and they said we could bring him in this afternoon." She glanced back up at him with a concerned expression. "How are you doing?"  
  
Her concern for him, struck him deeply. "I'm good. You?" He smiled at her softly.  
  
"A little tired, but good." She smirked. "Did you know that you snore a little?"  
  
He let out a soft chuckle. "I don't normally listen to myself when I sleep, but I'm sorry if I kept you awake."  
  
She had that look on her face again, the one that Nick seemed to be surprised by because it was so girlish. "I'm sorry I'm being so much trouble."  
  
Nick furrowed his brow again and went and sat next to her on the couch. "Sara, you are no trouble."  
  
She bit at her lower lip as she studied him for a moment. "Nick, it's just that I didn't really realize how this was affecting you. I'm sorry for that."  
  
He let out a deep breath and then looked her in the eye. "You don't need to apologize. I'm not going to lie and say that what's happened hasn't affected me because it has. But that's something that I need to deal with, ok?" He looked at her earnestly, reaching over and tucking her hair behind her ear, allowing his fingers to caress her cheek for just a moment. "Thanks for being there for me." There was something deep inside of him that wanted to kiss her and he pulled his hand back quickly as if he'd been stung hoping that Sara couldn't tell. This was not a bridge to be crossed right now. Not until he sorted through this and figured out exactly what he was thinking and feeling.  
  
Sara looked at him a bit oddly as his expression changed. "Something wrong?"  
  
He glanced at her and shook his head glancing at his hand momentarily. "No, uh, static electricity."  
  
She knew he was lying, but didn't press the issue. She'd recognized the look on his face just before he'd pulled his hand away and she could tell he was struggling. The thought occurred to her that maybe she'd overstayed her welcome, at least if their friendship was going to remain intact. She had to admit that she was feeling something too, but she wasn't sure if it was because Nick had saved her life, or if something between them really was changing. She was beginning to think that maybe a little distance between them might be a good idea, regardless of the fact that she really didn't want to go back to her apartment yet.  
  
"Merrowr!" Harley climbed out of Sara's lap, and onto Nick's; his claws digging into the flesh on Nick's leg.  
  
"Damn those are sharp!" He picked the kitten up gingerly, trying to keep his leg in one piece. He lifted the kitten up to eye level and looked the gray fur ball in the eye. "Hey, little man, your claws are like needles. Try giving it a rest."  
  
Sara giggled at him. "I'm going to go take a shower and let you two have a little male bonding." She stood up from the couch, reaching over and tousling Nick's hair as she walked by.  
  
He watched her retreating form and let out a deep breath as he looked back at Harley with raised eyebrows. "What am I gonna do, man?"  
  
"Merowr." The kitten squirmed in Nick's hand.  
  
Nick chuckled. "Yeah, I know." He put the kitten down on the floor and chuckled as Harley scampered off toward the laundry room.  
  
By the time Sara emerged from the bathroom, toweling her hair, Nick had made coffee and had put something in the oven that was beginning to smell good. He was still clad in just his boxers. A bemused smile flitted across Sara's face and she couldn't help but comment on his appearance. "So is this something you picked up from watching the Food Channel?"  
  
Nick looked at her a bit confused. "Uh, no this is a recipe my mom makes."  
  
Sara bit her lip to keep from laughing. "Uh, I was talking about your outfit."  
  
An embarrassed expression crossed his face. "Well someone was taking a shower so I thought I'd do something else until you were done." He raised an eyebrow in challenge. "If the timer goes off before I get out of the shower, would you mind pulling that out of the oven?"  
  
She nodded, smirking as he wandered down the hall and disappeared into his bedroom. She settled herself on the couch and coaxed Harley onto her lap, content to stroke his fur as she waited for the food to be done. As she sat there she began to think about the last few months and the events that had led up to her decision on that roof. The more she thought, the more she realized that it wasn't about not being able to help the victims and it wasn't even about Grissom not wanting her, she was actually relieved that her obsession with Grissom was behind her. No, if she was being truthful with herself, she had to admit that her life had been going at breakneck speed for so long and all of the things that had distracted her were being stripped away one by one that she was forced to find out who she really was; and to find that out scared the hell out of her. The assurance from Nick that she wouldn't have to do this alone was comforting, but she was also afraid that if things between them changed that their friendship might be damaged. She wasn't sure that she was willing to take a risk like that when she felt that true friendship was in short supply. And quite frankly, after what had happened with Hank, she was just afraid of taking a risk at all.  
  
Nick finally emerged from his bedroom, freshly showered and clad in black jeans and a gray ribbed shirt. He smiled at her. "Are you about ready to eat? It's probably almost done."  
  
She nodded and set Harley on the floor. "Hey, I was thinking that after we take Harley to the vet, you could just drop me off at Dr. Colby's."  
  
He looked at her a bit quizzically. "You gonna be ok doing that alone?"  
  
She furrowed her brow. "I don't know, but I don't think we'll have enough time to bring him back here before my appointment. That way you could bring him back here, and then pick me up when I'm done."  
  
He smiled at her, studying her for a moment. "If you think you'll be ok."  
  
She took a deep breath and looked at him. "I need to do this, Nick. I'm scared shitless, but I need to do it. I can't live here forever and I need to figure out how to take back my life. You can't do it for me."  
  
He looked a little taken aback. "Ok."  
  
"I didn't mean it like that." She tried to reassure him, her expression softening. "I appreciate all that you're doing for me, all that you've done for me. I don't have another friend like you. I just need to learn to do it for myself or none of this is going to matter."  
  
He nodded, a soft smile gracing his face. "I'm proud of you, Sara. I'm still here for you whenever you need me, and you can stay here as long as you need to."  
  
Neither one of them said a word for a few moments as they just looked at each other until the timer on the oven sounded.

Nick smirked. "We'd better eat. I don't know about you, but I'm hungry."  
  
Sara let out a soft laugh. "When are you not hungry?"  
  
He chuckled and grinned. "Hardly ever."


	27. Chapter 27

Nick was seated in the waiting room of Dr. Colby's office when Sara emerged from her appointment. There was something about the expression on her face that gave him a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He smiled at her as he stood up. "Hey."

Her smile was a bit more restrained. "How's Harley?" She was struggling with some of the things that she had talked to Dr. Colby about and she wasn't really sure how to tell Nick that some of them had to do with him.  
  
"He's doing what most cats do at least fourteen hours a day. He's sleeping." Nick tried to keep the tone of his voice light even though he could tell Sara had something weighing on her. There was just something about her demeanor that had changed in the short time she'd been in that office.  
  
They walked out to his Denali and as they climbed in, Nick glanced over at her. "How did your appointment go?" He studied her as he watched a few emotions flicker across her face.  
  
"Uh, good." She turned towards him for a moment and then glanced out the window before letting out a deep breath and looking him in the eye. "Nick?"  
  
The tone in her voice hit Nick like a ton of bricks. He forced a smile onto his face. "Yeah?"  
  
There was something in his expression that caused her to hesitate. Instead of saying what was on her mind, she smiled. "Thanks for taking Harley back to your house."  
  
Her smiled put him a bit more at ease, but there was something in the back of his mind that told him she hadn't said what she'd intended to. He grinned at her. "No problem. Me and the little guy are starting to come to an understanding."  
  
Sara glanced at his forearm and winced, reaching over and touching the scratches that hadn't been there when Nick had dropped her off at Dr. Colby's. "Oh, Nick." She furrowed her brow and looked up at him. "I'm sorry he did that."  
  
Nick chuckled and put his hand over hers for a moment, giving it a squeeze before starting the ignition. "Sara, it's ok. It's just a couple of scratches."  
  
The conversation fell into a relaxed banter and by the time they arrived at the lab, they were laughing about something Harley had done when they were trying to catch him to go to the vet.  
  
"I swear he knew where we were going." Nick chuckled.  
  
"The look on your face though was priceless." Sara was trying to keep from laughing. "I didn't think he could fit behind your refrigerator."  
  
Warrick glanced up from the break room table with a curious expression as Nick and Sara walked in. When he noticed the angry red scratches on Nick's forearm he winced. "Nick, man, what did you do to your arm?"  
  
Nick glanced over from where he was pouring himself a cup of coffee. "Sara's cat scratched me."  
  
Warrick looked a little confused as he glanced over at Sara. "Since when do you have a cat?"  
  
She smiled and glanced at Nick. "Since this morning. Nick got him for me."  
  
Warrick suppressed an amused smile. "Well it doesn't look like he likes Nick very much."  
  
Nick chuckled in protest. "Hey, me and the little man are getting along just fine. Despite the fact that now I need a new shower curtain."  
  
Just then, Grissom walked in, his brow knit together in concentration. He glanced up and quickly took in who was in the room. "Good, you're all here. Catherine's already out on a case. Warrick and Sara, I need you to check out this missing persons report." He handed Warrick the slip. "Nick, you're with me." He glanced up at Nick who for a moment look confused before putting on his game face.  
  
It was the first time since Sara had threatened to kill herself that she had worked with anyone besides Nick.  
  
Sara felt a bit detached as she and Warrick drove to the home of their missing person. As he drove, Warrick glanced over at her. "How are you doing, girl?" His tone was sincere and full of concern.  
  
She smiled at him. "I'm ok."  
  
Warrick raised an eyebrow at her. "You sure?" It wasn't that he didn't believe her; he just wanted to hear it again.  
  
She let out a deep breath. "I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind." She glanced out the window.  
  
"I'm a good listener." Warrick offered. He knew that she was seeing a counselor, but he also knew that outside of that she really hadn't talked to anyone but Nick about what had happened.  
  
She gave him a tired smile. "Thanks, Warrick. I really am fine. I'm just thinking about some things that I talked to my counselor about."  
  
As if reading between the lines, Warrick continued. "Is everything going ok at Nick's?"  
  
The corners of her lips twitched further upward. "Yeah, it's fine." She looked at him for a moment and there was just something about his expression that made her relax. "It's mostly fine."  
  
Warrick looked worried for a moment. "You want to talk about it?"  
  
She bit her lower lip. "I think I need to stay at my apartment." She trusted Warrick and knew that whatever she told him wouldn't leave the vehicle.  
  
Warrick looked a little surprised. "Are you ready for that?"  
  
"I don't know." There were conflicting emotions on her face.  
  
"What's going on?" His voice was thick with concern.  
  
Sara let out a deep sigh as she looked at Warrick. "I'm starting to have feelings for Nick and I'm really confused."  
  
Warrick's face registered no surprise.  
  
Sara continued. "I think he is too. I think maybe me staying there is just making it worse."  
  
Warrick nodded. "Are you going to be ok staying by yourself?" He knew what she was trying to say, but he was still concerned for her wellbeing.  
  
"Well, I have Harley." Sara smiled. "Nick thought that if I had a roommate, it might help when I go back to my apartment."  
  
Warrick smiled. "I don't see any scratches on you."  
  
Sara chuckled. "He does seem to only do that to Nick, but he did bite my nose." She glanced out the window. She really didn't want to move back to her apartment quite yet, but she also didn't want to cross any relational bridges with Nick prematurely either. Especially when it seemed that at least some of what she'd been feeling could be attributed to the fact that they'd been together almost nonstop since he'd pulled her off the railing.  
  
Warrick glanced over at her again. "Have you told Nick that you want to go home?"  
  
Sara shook her head. "Not yet. I'm not sure I'm ready." There was a double meaning in her words that Warrick seemed to fully understand.  
  
"You know I'm here for you, don't you?" Warrick reached over and squeezed her shoulder.  
  
She smiled at him. "Yeah, I do know that. Thanks."


	28. Chapter 28

Sara's mind was elsewhere as she stowed her gear in her locker at the end of shift. She was staring absentmindedly into her locker as she sat on the bench in front of it as if looking for something.

She was still like that when Catherine walked in. "You ok, Sara?" The older CSI looked at her quizzically.  
  
Sara glanced up, her expression a bit lost. "Uh, yeah."  
  
Catherine wasn't sure she believed her and was immediately concerned. "You sure?" She studied Sara's lost expression.  
  
Sara nodded and glanced back at her locker. "Yeah."  
  
Catherine smiled and sat down on the bench next to her. "Sara, I don't mean to pry, but you don't look ok."  
  
Sara looked over at her, noticing her smile, and faintly smiled in return. "I just have a lot on my mind."  
  
"You want to talk?" Catherine queried her gently.  
  
Sara shook her head. "I'll be fine. I just need to get some sleep, that's all."  
  
"You still staying at Nick's?" Catherine asked curiously.  
  
Sara nodded. "Yeah, at least for now." She let out a soft chuckle. "I can't stay there forever."  
  
Catherine continued to smile softly and reached over and touched Sara's arm. "Nick just called and it looks like he and Grissom are going to be at their scene a while longer."  
  
Sara looked at Catherine quizzically, wondering why Nick hadn't called her himself.  
  
"He said he tried to call you, but your voicemail on your cell phone picked up. Do you want me to give you a lift? He said you carpooled in." Catherine continued.  
  
A mixture of relief and surprise crossed Sara's face. "Yeah, that would be nice." She stood up and grabbed her jacket and followed as Catherine headed out of the locker room towards the parking lot.  
  
As they drove to Nick's Sara remained quiet. Catherine glanced over every once in a while, curious as to what was going on inside Sara's mind. She pulled into Nick's driveway alongside Sara's Denali and glanced over. "Are you sure you don't want to talk?"  
  
Sara broke herself out of her reverie and smiled. "Sorry." She furrowed her brow for a moment. "Don't you have to get home to Lindsey?"  
  
"Day camp. With school out for the summer, my sister takes her along with her own kids so I can get at least a few hours of sleep." Catherine explained with a smile.  
  
"Oh." She gestured toward the house. "Do you want to come in? I can't offer you anything to drink." She smirked slightly. "The house is dry for the time being. I could make breakfast."  
  
Catherine smiled. "You know, that sounds good." She followed Sara into the house and jumped slightly as a grey ball of fur began to yowl.  
  
"Merowrl." Harley looked up at Catherine plaintively.  
  
"When did Nick get a cat?" Catherine looked at Sara curiously as she picked up the kitten and began to pet him.  
  
"He's mine. Nick got him for me yesterday." Sara explained as she moved into the kitchen. "He thought I might need a roommate when I go back to my apartment."  
  
Catherine continued to pet Harley as she watched Sara. "He's probably right; sometimes having someone to come home to makes all the difference in blowing a little steam off of your night."  
  
Sara just nodded as she pulled ingredients of the fridge. "I hope so."  
  
Catherine's brow furrowed. "Do you mind if I ask you something?"  
  
Sara glanced over and noticed Catherine's expression. "Uh, no."  
  
"Are you afraid to go home?" Catherine ignored the fact that Harley was now biting her thumb.  
  
Sara's instinctive response was to say that she wasn't, but she also knew that if she wanted to get better, that denying how she was feeling to the people who were truly concerned for her wasn't the way to do it. She let out a sigh. "Yeah, I am." Her brows furrowed in worry. "But I can't stay here forever either. I think I'm cramping Nick's style."  
  
Catherine gave her a quizzical expression. "Are you sure about that? It seems to me that he's more than happy to have you here."  
  
Sara expression was conflicted. "I just think that maybe I've overstayed my welcome."  
  
Catherine set Harley down on the floor. "Sara, what's really going on?" She raised her eyebrow as she studied her. "And don't tell me that you two aren't getting along."  
  
Sara nervously bit at her lower lip and leaned against the counter. "I just think this whole situation has caused Nick and I to get close." She furrowed her brow. "Maybe too close."  
  
Catherine didn't look phased by the comment. "So you think you're falling for Nick?"  
  
Sara winced slightly and nodded. "I'm confused. I think he is too."  
  
A smile began to flicker across Catherine's face. "I've always thought that Nick was a little smitten by you."  
  
Sara looked a bit surprised and then changed the subject. "So, what do you want in your omelet?"  
  
"Whatever you're having is fine with me." Catherine tried to keep her smile to a minimum as she watched Sara's discomfort at the thought that someone else might think that Nick was interested in her.  
  
Sara quickly mixed the ingredients together and poured them into a frying pan just as she heard a crash coming from the general direction of the laundry room. She let out a groan and glanced at Catherine. "Can you watch this for a minute so I can find out what part of Nick's house Harley's destroying now?"  
  
Catherine nodded in amusement as Sara disappeared.  
  
In the laundry room Sara found a shaken Harley cowering by the pile of bedding Sara had dumped there the day before with Nick's ironing board resting on top of it. From what Sara could surmise, Harley had tried to climb the ironing board and had just enough weight to tip it over. Sara righted the ironing board and scooped up the kitten who immediately cuddled against her. She quickly threw the bedding into the wash so that she would have something to sleep on later. As much as she found the thought of sleeping next to Nick appealing, she really didn't think it was a very good idea.  
  
When she returned to the kitchen, Catherine was sliding an omelet off onto a plate. "I think this is ready."  
  
"Thanks, Cath." Sara smiled. "I'd forgotten that Harley had a little accident on my sheets so I threw them in the wash." She set the kitten down on the kitchen floor.  
  
Catherine chuckled. "Sort of like having kids." She handed Sara the plate and followed her into the dining room with another omelet filled plate. "So how did Harley get his name?"  
  
Sara smiled as they sat down. "Nick named him. He thinks he's a little Hell's Angel."  
  
They continued chatting over the meal and when they were nearly finished, Catherine made Sara an offer. "You know, if you're not comfortable staying here, you can always stay with me and Lindsey."  
  
Sara smiled softly as she considered Catherine's words. "Thanks, but I think I'll probably go home in a day or two. I think maybe I should just stick it out. Besides, Harley would probably tear your house apart." As much as she appreciated Catherine's offer she wasn't quite ready to leave Nick's, regardless of the confusion she was feeling.


	29. Chapter 29

When Nick finally got home, Sara was sound asleep on the couch in her pajamas. The TV was on, and Harley was crouched below the screen, watching the images flashing by. Remembering that Harley had soiled Sara's sheets, Nick headed towards the laundry room only to find that they seemed to be somewhere in process. He lifted the lid of the washing machine and then opened the dryer to finally locate the freshly washed bedding.

He glanced over at Sara and felt a smile pulling the corner of his lips upward as he carried the sheets and blankets into the guest room and began to make the bed. When he emerged a few minutes later, Harley was stalking across the living room carpet towards one of Sara's feet which was dangling off of the couch. He intercepted him before he had a chance to pounce and picked him up. He talked to the kitten in a whisper. "Hey, little man, I hope you've been keeping Sara company, one of us had to work late."  
  
He had the cat at eye level and didn't notice that his voice had caused Sara to stir until she let out a sleepy laugh at the way he was talking to the cat. "How was your case?" Sara began to sit upright on the couch.  
  
Nick gave her a tired smile and sat down on the couch next to her, putting Harley on the floor. "It was ugly, but then aren't they all. This guy shot two of his kids because his wife was cheating on him and then he shot her when she called 9-1-1. He turned the gun on himself when PD showed up. Fortunately, he was the only fatality. Looks like the kids and the woman will recover. How was your missing persons case?"  
  
Sara let out a yawn. "Dead end. We had a couple of leads, but they didn't yield much. Hopefully she just went out with a friend and wasn't smart enough to call anyone. We sure don't need another Julie Waters."  
  
Nick nodded in agreement. They had both worked that case initially before it had become a high-profile media frenzy and Catherine had taken it over; the ending for Julie Waters hadn't been a happy one. "Is your cell phone not working?"  
  
Sara smirked. "The battery died. I forgot to charge my phone. Sorry I didn't get your message; Catherine told me you were trying to get a hold of me."  
  
He had a serious expression on his face. "I was just wondering how your night went, that's all." He wanted to tell her that he was worried about her, that it had been hard for him to concentrate on his case because she wasn't there, but then he thought that she'd probably think he was being overprotective, and she was right, so he left it at that.  
  
Sara could pick up on his worry as his brow furrowed a bit and read between the lines. She let out a sigh. "Nick, I know you mean well, but I'm going to be fine, even if you're not there."  
  
He looked at her a bit sheepishly. "Can I help it that I care about you?" He almost laughed at good she was at reading his mind. Sometimes it was scary the way she finished his sentences too.  
  
"I know you do." Sara's smile was simple. "I care about you too." She studied him for a long moment and then decided that she really needed to tell him what she'd intended to after her appointment with Dr. Colby. "Nick?"  
  
There was that tone again that cause a sinking feeling in the pit of Nick's stomach. He tried to keep his tone light. "Yeah?"  
  
Sara bit her lower lip for a fraction of a second before she spoke. "When I talked to Dr. Colby yesterday afternoon, he gave me a couple of suggestions."  
  
"And what was that?" Nick didn't want his voice to betray the disappointment that was forming.  
  
That expression that Nick found so endearing and utterly girlish crossed Sara's face. "He thought maybe it would be best if I moved back to my apartment."  
  
Nick couldn't hide a flash of disappointment before he smiled softly. "He did? Are you ready for that?" He knew that it was inevitable, but he didn't think that he was ready for her to go back.  
  
Sara wasn't sure if it was his disappointment or his smile that caused her to falter momentarily. "Uh, I don't know. I mean, I need to try. I just think it would be a good idea if I wasn't around you all the time."  
  
Hurt flashed across Nick's face, but he didn't say anything.  
  
Sara rested her face in the palm of her hand, silently cursing herself. "That's not exactly what I meant." She lifted her head and smiled at him.  
  
Nick smirked. "Way to give a guy a complex, Sidle."  
  
Sara rolled her eyes, glad that the moment was lightened somewhat. "I just meant that aside from last shift, we've been around each other non-stop since this happened and I, you, uh, we." She suddenly felt like there was no easy way to say what she was thinking and there was no easy out either. She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach.  
  
Nick reached over and took her hand giving it an encouraging squeeze. "I think I know what you're trying to say." He smiled at her. "I don't know about you, but I'm confused as hell right now about how I feel about you."  
  
A mixture of relief, amusement and surprise washed over Sara. "Yeah, I think that pretty much sums it up." She studied his face for a moment and then glanced down to where he still held her hand.  
  
He furrowed his brow. "And this isn't really the time to explore this is it?" He knew the answer to his question, but wanted to hear what she had to say.  
  
Sara shook her head and met his gaze. "No, it's not. I've got a lot of things to figure out and I don't think that complicating it with this is a good idea." She knew deep down that if she and Nick decided to cross a line from friendship to something romantic, there was a lot a stake, and she just wasn't ready to do that. She needed time to sort out the issues she was dealing with and to figure out if what she was feeling for Nick was the result of the events of the last week or if it was something deeper.  
  
He smiled at her and let go of her hand. "When do you think you want to move back to your apartment?"  
  
Sara let out a deep breath. "Probably as soon as possible." There was a hint of worry on her face about being alone.  
  
Nick nudged her with his elbow. "You know you can still call me anytime."  
  
She smiled. "I've got Harley too, thanks to you."  
  
He chuckled. "I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing."  
  
She leaned against him for a moment. "It's a good thing." She let out another yawn and then stood up. "I'd better get the bedding out of the dryer so I can go to sleep."  
  
Nick stood up and tucked a stray lock of her hair behind her ear. "I already made your bed."  
  
She looked at him a bit surprised. "Thanks." A smile spread across her face as she regarded him for a moment. "Thanks for everything, Nick. I appreciate it more than you know." She loosely wrapped her arms around his neck to give him a hug and then placed a peck on his cheek.  
  
Nick pulled her close for a moment and hugged her back. "Anytime, Sara."


	30. Chapter 30

**Three Days Later:**  
  
"Grissom, you wanted to see me?" Sara stood in the doorway of Grissom's office. It was about an hour before shift was set to begin and she waited for him to look up from his computer screen.  
  
When he did, he studied her a bit, trying to gauge how she was doing from her body language. He gestured towards the chair across from his desk and looked at her over the rim of his glasses as she took a seat. "I understand you're not at Nick's anymore."  
  
Sara really didn't want to go into the details of why she wasn't there, but she nodded at his comment. "Yeah, my counselor felt that it I was ready to go back to my apartment." She just left it at that.  
  
"How is that going?" Grissom queried, continuing to study her body language.  
  
"Uh, fine." Sara smiled somewhat genuinely. "Harley is making the transition easier, but he certainly does his best to try and keep me from sleeping."  
  
Surprise flickered across Grissom's face. "Oh?" He hadn't really talked to Sara in any detail in a few days because of the cases he'd worked and he had no idea who Harley was.  
  
Sara continued, her smile widening. "Yeah, I need to figure out a way to keep him from biting my earlobes when I'm trying to sleep, although I'm not sure it's much better when he crawls under the covers and tries to lick my toes." She let out a soft chuckle. "Either way he sure is making himself at home."  
  
Grissom looked shocked at how frank Sara was being. "So he's living with you?"  
  
Sara nodded, looking at Grissom a bit strangely. "Yeah, where else was he going to live? I wasn't going to leave him at Nick's."  
  
Grissom's jaw gaped for a moment and then he found his composure. "Sara, this is probably not my place, but speaking as your friend, do you really think it's a good idea to start such an intense relationship with someone when you're in the midst of dealing with some fairly significant issues?"  
  
Sara looked at him for a moment a little confused and then as she realized what he must be thinking she started to laugh.  
  
Grissom looked at her in disbelief. "Sara."  
  
Sara held up her hand and shook her head to interrupt him. In the midst of her laughter she managed to blurt out the information it was clear Grissom didn't have. "Grissom, Harley is my kitten."  
  
A impish half smile flickered across his face. "Your kitten." It was a statement full of relief.  
  
Sara nodded. "Yeah, I thought everyone knew that Nick had gotten me a cat." Her amusement was clearly evident on her face.  
  
Grissom raised an eyebrow. "Apparently not all of us." He gathered himself to restart the conversation. "I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. I was just concerned."  
  
"It's kind of funny actually." Sara smirked.  
  
**One Month Later:  
**  
It had been a particularly harrowing case, the kind of case that shook even the most hardened CSI to the core. Sara felt numb, and as she made her way to her apartment after shift, she made a little detour.  
  
The last couple of weeks, things seemed to have returned to the way they were before she had threatened to kill herself. Outside of Nick, no one else really seemed to ask her how she was doing. Grissom would stop her now and then to see how things were going, but Sara sometimes got the impression that he was just doing his supervisory duty. They still had a quite a ways to go before the easy friendship they'd had would ever be the same.  
  
When she'd left the lab after shift, Nick was still out on a scene working a case. Of all the days, this was one day that she really needed to talk to someone, and instead of calling him or seeking out someone else, she had left the lab as quickly as she could and headed to the liquor store on the way home.  
  
She sat on her couch, staring down the unopened bottle of Jack Daniels as Harley crawled into her lap and began to purr. She sat there for a long time, absentmindedly stroked his fur as she contemplated what opening that bottle represented. She felt tears stinging her eyes as she pulled Harley into her arms and hugged him as she thought about the particularly brutal nature of the crime scene she'd worked. A young woman in her early thirties had been beaten, raped, and then strangled before she was posed in a very grotesque manner. The woman's nine year old daughter had been asleep in the next room and had fortunately not been harmed, but she had woken up in the middle of the night discovering her mother's body and called police. The look on that child's face haunted Sara.  
  
She was seriously contemplating reaching for the bottle sitting on the coffee table in front of her when she heard a knock at her door. She tried to wipe away the traces of the tears that had been streaming down her face and put Harley on the floor as she went to answer the door. When she opened it, she found a concerned Nick standing there.  
  
He immediately noticed her tears and pulled her into a hug as he stepped into her apartment and closed the door. "I heard you had the case from hell. I thought maybe you might need a little company."  
  
Sara relaxed in his embrace and let herself cry into his chest. She was so relieved that she hadn't opened the bottle, that someone had come when she really needed them, that she just let the tears flow. As her crying subsided, she pulled away from Nick, wiping at her tears and looked up at him. "You have no idea how glad I am that you're here."  
  
Nick noticed the bottle on the coffee table and concern flickered across his face.  
  
Sara sniffled. "I didn't open it. I didn't want to open it and then you came." She was disappointed in herself for even buying the bottle.  
  
A faint smile played at Nick's lips. "I'm here for you, Sara. Don't forget that, ok?" He held up a bag that she hadn't noticed. "I thought maybe you could use some ice cream. It tastes a hell of a lot better than Jack Daniels anyway."  
  
Sara smiled in spite of the pain she was feeling inside. "I should have called you."  
  
Nick reached over and wiped the traces of her tears from her cheek. "I'm here now. It's gonna be ok."  
  
Sara smiled and then turned and disappeared into her kitchen, emerging a few moments later with a couple of spoons. "What kind did you get?"  
  
He grinned. "Chunky Monkey for me and Cookie Dough for you." He followed her to the couch and sat down next to her, glancing at the bottle of liquor before looking back at her. "I'm proud of you for not opening that."  
  
A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "Thanks. I'm not too proud of myself for buying it though." Her brow furrowed slightly.  
  
He nudged her arm with his elbow. "So what do you say we watch 'Zoolander'?"  
  
Sara rolled her eyes and scoffed at him. "Good thing I don't own it."  
  
"Well I just happened to bring it." He chuckled as he watched her expression. "Just kidding." He smiled at the relief that spread across her face. "I thought you'd probably enjoy 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' a lot better."  
  
Sara smirked. "Now that is a funny move." 


	31. Chapter 31

**Three Weeks Later:  
**  
"I have to say that this is a much better idea for a hobby than the last few we've come up with." Nick commented as he crushed a clove of garlic with the flat side of the blade of his knife.  
  
Sara smirked. "Well at least your toes aren't in any danger with this one." She reached across the counter for the bottle of extra virgin olive oil and drizzled some into a pan that she was heating up to sauté some diced onions and the garlic Nick was crushing.  
  
"The last one had potential." Nick commented as he slid the crushed garlic into a bowl.  
  
Sara scoffed. "No offense, Nick, but skydiving is something that I don't intend to repeat."  
  
"But you had fun." He grinned at her and reached for the can of crushed tomatoes.  
  
She smirked. "Yes, I did have fun, especially after I was safely on the ground." She slid the garlic and diced onions into the now hot olive oil and began to stir as the heat began to release a fragrant aroma in the air of Sara's kitchen.  
  
Nick handed her the newly opened can of crushed tomatoes and watched as she added them to the onions and garlic. "Would you ever consider going again?"  
  
Sara laughed. "Probably not." She looked at him and smiled. "That jump scared the hell out of me."  
  
Nick chuckled and then tried to stifle his laughter as Sara raised a single eyebrow at him. "Sort of ironic don't you think?"  
  
Sara nodded a bit soberly and then the corners of her lips curled upward. "It is isn't it? There is no way I would ever consider trying that again now that I've jumped out of a plane."  
  
Nick nudged her with his elbow and smiled softly. "I'm really glad to hear that."  
  
She chuckled. "I know I have my moments, but I really think I'm doing a lot better overall." Her brow furrowed momentarily. "Aside from a few weeks ago."  
  
"But you didn't give in, and that's what's important." Nick reminded her as a timer went off. A grin spread across his face. "Ok, I suppose that's my cue to see how my first loaf of bread turned out."  
  
Sara stepped away from the stove so that Nick could open the oven. They both looked at the lopsided loaf of French bread that he had made and then looked at each other before laughing. Sara smirked at him. "I hope it tastes better than it looks."  
  
"You and me both." He looked at the bread skeptically and then glanced at the clock on the wall. "Hey, I think everybody is going to be here soon. Should we grill the eggplant so we can get it in the oven?"  
  
"Crap, I forgot to pull my grill pan out." She pointed at a cupboard next to the stove as she began to stir the tomato concoction. "I need to keep stirring this. It's in the second one over."  
  
He found the pan and then set it across two burners, turning the flame on underneath them as he retrieved two eggplants from the refrigerator and began to slice them so they could grill them before putting them in a dish and baking them in the oven with Sara's sauce and some freshly grated parmesan cheese.  
  
Someone knocked at the door and Sara glanced over at Nick. "Do you want to get that?"  
  
He nodded and nearly tripped over Harley who had curled up on the floor at the entrance to the kitchen and fallen asleep. "Hey, little man, you'd better be careful where you sleep."  
  
"At least he's given up trying to sleep in the sink." She called out, glancing over at the still sleeping kitten and smiling at the memory of him soaking wet because she hadn't noticed him in the sink until after she'd turned the water on.  
  
Catherine smiled widely as Nick opened the door. "Something smells good."  
  
"Well I'm glad you think so." Nick gestured for her to come in. "Hopefully you'll still think so after you try our cooking."  
  
Aside from the fact that Nick and Sara had decided that cooking together was a good choice for a hobby and it might be good to have other people try the dishes they prepared, Sara inviting people into her home was a big deal. In the entire time she'd lived in Vegas, she'd rarely ever had anyone there because she'd spent most of her time at the lab. Her apartment had served only as a place to sleep and study or maybe watch the occasional movie, it had never really felt like a home. At least until Harley had moved in. Since Nick had gotten the kitten for her, she had spent more and more of her off time at home and as a result she had put pictures on the walls, hung drapes over the standard issue apartment blinds, and had been able to keep her house plants alive; at least the ones Harley didn't try and sleep in. So for her to actually host this pre-work dinner party was a big deal for her. She was willingly letting people into the life she was trying to build outside of work and she was actually enjoying it.  
  
"Can I do anything to help?" Catherine offered as she greeted Sara over the counter dividing the kitchen from the living room.  
  
Sara shook her head. "I think we've got everything under control." She smiled. "Besides, I don't think my kitchen is big enough for more than two people."  
  
Over the next few minutes, Warrick, Greg, and then Grissom showed up. They all settled themselves in Sara's living room and as the conversation increased, Harley began to stir. At first he wasn't sure what to make of all the extra humans in his world, but he slowly began to stalk towards the couch, making a leap for the back of it as he climbed up and came face to ear with Grissom. Wanting to become better acquainted, Harley leaned over and sniffed his ear before biting his earlobe.  
  
Grissom jumped more from surprise than actual pain and quickly turned around to face the kitten who was now arching his back and hissing from fright. Grissom pursed his lips together and raised an eyebrow. "Harley I presume."  
  
"Grissom, I'm sorry." Sara looked apologetic, while everyone else looked amused.  
  
Nick walked over and scooped the kitten up, holding him at eye level. "Hey, little man, you can't be biting people like that."  
  
"Merowrl." Harley squirmed in Nick's hands.  
  
Grissom looked amused. "I suppose it was just his way of introducing himself."  
  
The timer to the oven went off signaling that the eggplant parmesan was ready and Nick set the kitten down to retrieve it. Harley settled himself in the pot of Sara's aloe plant and curled up to go back to sleep as the group settled themselves around Sara's dining room table; another item Sara had added to her apartment since she'd gotten the kitten. She reasoned that if she was going to have people over once in a while, she needed a place for them to sit other than her couch.  
  
Nick and Sara exchanged a few pleased glances as they watched the others try the food they had prepared.  
  
"I cannot believe you made this bread." Greg looked at Nick a bit incredulously as he took another bite.  
  
"Believe it man. Sara is my witness." Nick grinned at the compliment, despite the bread's lopsided appearance, the flavor really was very good.  
  
"Might have to start calling you Betty Crocker." Warrick quipped good naturedly.  
  
Grissom glanced at Warrick quizzically until Catherine leaned over and whispered. "Cooking reference." Grissom's eyebrows curved upward in understanding as he forked another bite of his food.  
  
"Sara, you made the sauce?" Catherine asked as she took another bite of her food.  
  
"She sure did." Nick grinned, pleased that the meal seemed to be going over so well, and even more pleased that Sara seemed to be doing so well. The person that she'd been up on that roof was slowly turning into someone who was very much alive, someone who was very much loving life.  
  
She just smiled at him in response, thankful for having such a good friend. She really didn't think she would have come this far if it hadn't been for him, the gray ball of fur sleeping in her plant, and the rest of people around her table. 


	32. Chapter 32

**One Month Later:  
**  
"What are you trying to say? You don't think I can do my job, do you?" Sara was working herself into a frenzy.  
  
"I did not say that." Nick tried to keep his voice even and calm. "All I said was that you might actually enjoy a vacation."  
  
"I don't need to take time off." Sara defended. "Besides, who would take care of Harley?"  
  
Nick pursed his lips together to keep from smiling. "I can take care of Harley." His brows arched upward. "No one is doubting your ability to do your job, Sara. You've been back working solo for a few weeks now, what is this really about?"  
  
Her expression looked to be a mixture of frustration and embarrassment. "I haven't told my parents what happened."  
  
Nick nodded not quite understanding. "So you don't want to fly up and see them because you think they wouldn't love you if they found out?"  
  
"It's not that. I just don't want to explain to them why I don't feel comfortable having a glass of wine with dinner." Shame flashed across her face at the admission.  
  
"And you're afraid if you have to explain that, you'll have to tell them everything." Nick could tell he'd hit the nail on the head from her relieved expression.  
  
"I'm just not sure I'm ready for that." She knew that she needed to hurdle her fear of telling her parents what she'd been going through. Deep down she knew that they'd be understanding, but she didn't want to fly to California when her entire support system was in Las Vegas.  
  
"They might surprise you." Nick offered. He'd never met Sara's parents, but over the last couple of months he'd learned more about them and it amazed him what a startling contrast they were to Sara.  
  
Sara looked at him skeptically. "You don't know them like I do."  
  
Nick reached over and put his hand on her shoulder. "Then why don't you invite them here. It sounds like they just want to see you."  
  
Sara nodded letting out a sigh. "I could probably do that."  
  
**Three Weeks Later:  
**  
"I'm done?" Sara looked at Dr. Colby a little confused.  
  
"You've made a lot of progress, Sara. I mean you're welcome to come back any time you feel that you need someone to talk to, but as far as I'm concerned, you're doing well and you really don't need me." The mild mannered doctor smiled at her as he leaned back in his overstuffed leather chair.  
  
"But I still have things to work on." Sara protested mildly.  
  
Dr. Colby smiled. "Sara, the important thing is that you have tools to deal with the things in your life that you used to find so overwhelming. You have people in place who have become a support system to you. All of us have things to work on, that's part of the process of life. I'm confident that you're ready."  
  
"Wow." Sara was a bit dumbfounded. She had come to look forward to talking with Dr. Colby, but deep down she knew he was right. She had come far and she needed to be able to face life head on. And it was true, she wasn't doing this alone any more, she had a group of friends that had proven that they were there for her. Even her parents had surprised her when she'd finally told them what had happened. The distance that she had put between them because she didn't think they understood her evaporated as she realized just how much they did love her.  
  
"You're always welcome to make an appointment if you think you need to." Dr. Colby reassured her with a smile as he stood.  
  
She pulled herself out of her chair and then reached over and shook his hand. "Thank you. Thank for everything." There was a sincere smile on her face.  
  
"You did all the hard work, Sara. I'm proud of you." He grinned as he ushered her to the door of his office.  
  
**One Week Later:  
**  
"Grissom." Sara paused in the doorway of his office.  
  
He glanced up and smiled. "How'd your case go?"  
  
"Good. We got him." She smiled broadly. "I'm taking the night off. I just wanted to remind you."  
  
"You're taking Harley to the vet if I recall correctly." Grissom observed. He had made it a point over the last couple of months to notice more of what was going on in the lives of the people on his team. He knew that he had let his own fears and insecurities cloud his judgement when it came to Sara, and as a result he had missed the warning signs that something was troubling her. He didn't want to make the same mistake twice.  
  
Sara furrowed her brow. "I feel a little guilty about getting him declawed, but at the rate he's going, I won't have a carpet left if I don't. He's already destroyed my couch."  
  
Nick came up behind her. "You about ready?" He looked at her expectantly.  
  
She glanced at him and smiled. "Yeah, is Warrick going to come and help?"  
  
"He said as long as you were cooking, he'd be there. We might be able to snag Greg too." Nick glanced over at Grissom. "I just wanted to remind you that I've got the night off."  
  
Grissom nodded and smiled. "I saw that."  
  
Nick turned back to Sara. "I'll meet you in the parking lot, I've got to grab my jacket."  
  
"Ok." She smiled and turned back to Grissom as Nick headed down the hallway. "I'm getting a new couch and I managed to bribe these guys into helping out."  
  
Grissom observed her confident manner and felt an ease settling over him. He had worried about her since that night that Nick had pulled her off of the railing, but she seemed to have transformed into a person who was very alive, and he was glad. "I'm sure they'd help you even if you didn't bribe them." A boyish smirk flitted across his face.  
  
Sara laughed. "You may just be right." She had missed her easy conversations with Grissom and it seemed that things between them were slowly but surely getting back to that. Perhaps it had been her obsession with him that had gotten in the way of their friendship, or perhaps it was his inability to recognize and act upon his own feelings, but whatever the case, that was behind them and she was moving forward with her own life. "I'd better go so I can get Harley to the vet."  
  
"Have a good night off, Sara." He smiled softly at her.  
  
"I will." She couldn't keep the smile off of her face. "I just hope Nick doesn't try and torture me with 'Zoolander' again."


	33. Chapter 33

**That Night:**

"I cannot believe how much that couch weighed." Nick commented as he tried to stretch a few kinks out of his back.  
  
"You are such a baby sometimes." Sara teased as they stood in her kitchen cutting up vegetables to put in a salad.  
  
"It was heavy." Nick raised an eyebrow in challenge.  
  
"You're strong." Sara raised her eyebrow back. "I think you can handle it."  
  
He grinned. "So you think I'm strong, huh?" He leaned his hip against the counter and watched her slice a carrot.  
  
Sara rolled her eyes and tried to restrain a smile. "You know, you can be really conceited sometimes."  
  
Nick didn't miss a beat. "I'm not conceited. Handsome, suave, and smart maybe, but I'm not conceited."  
  
"I'll compromise at overly confident." She let out a chuckle at the way he seemed to puff his chest out. They both had the night off and had planned to just hang out and keep Harley company after his trip to the vet to be neutered and declawed.  
  
At the moment, Harley was curled up in Sara's aloe plant with his nose tucked under his tail. He wasn't particularly happy with either Nick or Sara. The expression on his furry little face seemed almost accusatory at the pain he was in. It had taken both of them to force a pain pill down his throat and after it had taken effect, he hobbled off towards the plant where he'd been ever since. It was all Sara could do not to laugh at the poor cat at the way he avoided putting his bandaged paws on the ground, sitting up on his hind legs with bandaged paws he almost looked like a boxing kangaroo.  
  
"If I'm confident it's because I usually have a reason to be." Nick quipped. He nudged her with his elbow. "By the way, thank you for letting me cook steak in your house." He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "I appreciate it."  
  
Sara found herself smiling at the gesture and glanced over at him. "Just make sure you take all traces of it with you when you leave."  
  
He grinned. "No problem."  
  
After they'd eaten dinner they sat on Sara's new couch just talking and enjoying each other's company. At one point, Sara became very quiet.  
  
Nick furrowed his brow with concern. "Are you ok?"  
  
She felt her lips curl upward as she looked at him. "Yeah, I was just thinking about something."  
  
He leaned his shoulder against hers. "You wanna talk about it?"  
  
Sara took a deep breath. "I've been thinking about you." She watched his eyes to see what his response would be before she continued.  
  
"Me?" There was a hint of a smile in his eyes.  
  
Sara nodded. "I've been thinking about how if it wasn't for you I probably wouldn't be here right now." She smiled.  
  
Nick put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a squeeze, kissing the top of her head. "I'm just glad I was there at the right time, Sara. I don't know what I would have done if something happened to you."  
  
She rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes for a minute, focusing them on Harley as she opened them. "You know I never thought I could get so attached to a pet."  
  
"So I'm your pet, huh?" He knew she meant Harley, but he couldn't resist the urge to tease her.  
  
Sara let out a soft laugh and elbowed him. "You're such a little boy sometimes."  
  
"I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing." Nick remarked glancing at her.  
  
She smiled. "You know, you said something to me after you gave me Harley."  
  
Nick laughed. "Just one thing?"  
  
She elbowed him again and pulled away from him so she could face him. "You told me that you were confused."  
  
Nick felt a smile tugging at his lips as he looked at her. "I was confused." He had a good idea where this conversation was going and to say he was pleased was an understatement.  
  
That girlish expression that Nick found so endearing crossed Sara's face. "So you're not confused now?" She had a mixture of apprehension, hope, and determination written on her face.  
  
Nick shook his head. "No. I'm not confused anymore." He studied her for a moment as she bit at her lower lip. "What about you, Sara? Are you still confused?"  
  
She looked into his eyes and shook her head. "No. I'm not."  
  
Nick's smile gave way to a grin. "Good." He reached over and caressed her cheek with his fingers before sliding them into her hair as he leaned in and softly kissed her.  
  
Sara's eyes fluttered shut. The sensation of his lips against hers was soft and firm and full of promise, but the kiss didn't seem nearly long enough. Sara blinked widely as she felt him pull away to search her face. A smile spread across her face as she reached up and touched his cheek, leaning in for another kiss, finally pulling away to look into his eyes. "I've wanted to do that for a while."  
  
"Me too." He grinned at her, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I guess maybe the timing is a little better to explore this now, huh?"  
  
Sara nodded, touching his lips with her fingertips. "I definitely think it was worth the wait, don't you?" Her brow furrowed at him expectantly.  
  
He nodded with a smile. "I would have waited as long as it took, Sara. I just wanted to make sure you were ready. I didn't want to get in the way of what you needed to do."  
  
"I still think I have a long way to go." She confessed with a hint of doubt, looking at his face to try and read his reaction.  
  
"Shh." He leaned in and kissed her again briefly before resting his forehead against hers and looking into her eyes. "I do too, but we can do it together."  
  
Sara smiled at him. "I'm so glad I know you. You mean so much to me, Nick Stokes."  
  
He grinned at her. "I'm glad I know you too, Sar. You mean the world to me."  
  
With that he leaned in and kissed her again, thankful that she had given up and let go of the past and had moved on to embrace the possibility of a future full of promise with him.  
  
**_The End._**  
  
**Author's Note:** Many thanks to everyone who took the time out of their day to read my story. To my reviewers, thank you for your kind words, suggestions, and encouragement. I truly appreciate each and every one of you. Oh, and for anyone who wonders, Harley is a real cat that lives with me, and he's pretty hilarious.


End file.
